Am I right to be concerned with dds behaviour?

[Concernedmama1]

Dd who has recently turned 2 has been seeing her dad since may of this year, initially when she first started seeing him she had a major regression in her speech which did not improve. Each time after contact took place she would return and be very agressive, biting me, herself, head banging, having disturbed sleep and night terrors and would just be extremely withdrawn for days after, worse case was 6 days. I was told back in September to just let her settle down as she is just adjusting but there has been no change. Ex was asked to write in a handover book her routine while with him, stuff like her mood, how much she drunk etc and it would seem she is refusing to drink while with him too.

Since November contact has been sporadic due to covid etc but since then dd speech has been coming on so well, she is happy and affectionate which is so wonderful to see it makes me so happy.

Would any of you say im right in being concerned about dds behaviour after seeing her dad? There is a lot of history and I just need some unbiased views based on what is going on at the moment.

@CantBeAssed was your contact court order too?

And this is the thing, if I suspend contact I'll be in trouble with the courts, if I don't and continue to send dd despite my concerns and they prove to be true then I've failed in protecting dd.. it's like either way I am f*cked . Tried raising my concerns with the ex he doesn't even respond and he isn't helping or taking professionals advice so it's a bit like what can I even do.

My contact wasnt court order but my friend was in similar situation and court orders were in place...my friend suspended contact under advice of her solicitor but please check with your solicitor before you do this..they may advise you differently..

Also voice your concerns with your health visitor...this way it is logged in some way with an official...

@CantBeAssed I have logged with the health visitor and a gp. Previously had social services involved who offered early intervention help, I accepted this help and ex did not so was pretty much pointless.

I've emailed my solicitor asking her to apply to courts to get the order varied as HV has said they'll support me but now ex is saying unless I send her for contact he is applying for a lives with order (change of residence) a threat he likes to make every now and then. But solicitor hasn't responded with what she thinks may happen so I'm just going with my gut and what a health visitor and gp have said in the past.

Based on your update i would personally be suspending contact..you have genuine concerns so i really dont think you have any option..also dont dwell on idle threats from your ex...they are made to control and if you let them you will never move forward..my ex made these threats because he never expected me to act on my concerns..good luck and be confident!

That's what I'm trying to remind myself, I am good mum, cafcass had said that dd is at medium risk of violence.. HV has supported this. But still I think to myself but what if based on just this he gets it, I know he won't but it really is playing on my fears and he knows that as it has worked before. But I need to stay strong now.

Oh and on top of the lives with he is also going to seek costs, i.e. me paying for his solicitor and barristers time.

If he has a history if violence/abuse i wouldn't be taken any threats he makes with any seriousness. However, i do know how it feels and you cant help but worry..i was convinced that it would be my word against his and that he would sweet talk anyone if questions were asked..i was worrying over nothing...its been over 2yrs since ex has seen ds and he has made no effort in that time...obviously afraid his lies would be seen through...take a deep breath and do what you have to do to protect your LO...and put the "what ifs" to one side...