How do I cope

[lula33]

Hello, this is my first post but I need advice. I met my ex 4 years ago at work we fell in love moved into together and had a baby. We had loads of things happen my best friend died and my partner struggled with life with a baby. He told me he was unhappy and moved out. We carried on seeing each other but kept it quiet. He recently started to act differently and Ended it again. He acted so angry refused to speak to me and I was heart broken. It's become very obvious he is seeing a woman from work, I have to watch them giggling and flirting. This makes me upset but also furious he says he isn't doing anything wrong and continues to do it in front of me. I have to work with them both how do I deal with it?

Look for a new job and don't take the knob back again

I can't get a new job at the moment and he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. He's making me question whether it's me that's wrong for being upset.

She is trying to be nice and I just want to tell her to fuck off and not speak to me.

You're not wrong for being upset but don't let either of them see it. Don't give him the satisfaction. Respond in a cool manner to her, don't be rude because it's work but just be civil. Sorry this sounds shit but it will get better.

Would you tell her to not speak to me? It's so shit because I look at my baby and cry because I feel like I can't see a way of coparenting with him and feeling this hurt.

No, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction either. Think of all the shit things about your ex, write a list, maybe try to feel sorry for her. It is shit though so longterm, finding a new job would be best. Has he made any effort to coparent? Is he paying maintenance? Think of a practical schedule. Speak to your friends as well, be very very nice to yourself.

I just want her to know I know because she's just so smug, they think they are so clever. I took my son into work and she made an effort to come over and talk to him. He doesn't ask about him anymore but is having him on his days and paying maintenance. He's just so angry at me, he tells me I'm pissing him off if I just have a conversation. I think your right I need to just not react.

If he tells you that you are pissing him off then tell him that it is clear that by simply existing, you piss him off because he would prefer it if you just didn't exist. That's not going to happen. He is the father to your child and he is going to need to fucking grow up abs stop being a selfish child.

I would have to get a new job or if it gets too much is there anyway they can move you ? What a prick ! Hope your ok op. Do not show him that it is affecting you . Go in be happy get on with your work make him think you have moved on garantee you he will stop
Publicly flirting in front of you x

I really wish I could get a new job but it fits in around my childcare. People are starting to notice and lots of them don't even know we're not together. I really want to rise above it but when I see them together I get such rage I have to say something to him but he just laughs and says he's living his life.

He is juvenile and a total embarrassment. If you cant get another job right now then put on a brave face and ride it out. You cant change them or tell them what to do, so work on accepting that.

Have you got a decent manager or supervisor you can confide in? They might be able to help

I stepped down from my management position when I had my baby he is now my boss.

Your ex is now your boss? Do you have a HR department or anything? How big is the company you work for? Is there a possibility of moving departments so you at least don't have to see them constantly? It's easy to say don't give them the satisfaction of seeing it upsets you but wow I'd struggle with that!!

It's a big company I could get them to keep me off the same shifts maybe. It is hard because I want to be dignified and rise above it but it's the total lack of remorse from either of them that makes me angry. We have a baby and a 4 year relationship behind us and he's putting her who he's known at most a couple of months, above my feelings and I can't work that out at all.

My ex left me for someone he worked with. The idea that I would've had to have seen them every day at work makes me a bit sick in my mouth. There's being dignified and then there's this. I think I would try and sort out a way so you don't have to see him at work.

Also, I was heartbroken at the time (we split 2 years ago) and he said similar to me that yours is. It was awful. I did plenty of the "pick me dance". She loved that I think. I kept all contact to our son and wrote down all the shitty horrible things he'd done & said to me to remind myself I was better off. 6 months later they split and he came running back (such a cliché) but I told him to fuck off. I'm now with someone else and happier than ever.

I'm so glad your happy now I know it's just going to take time. I will be better off without him because no one that loves me could do this. I'm just going to try avoid them today, I'm not sure if I'm on my own With her I won't be able to stop myself from having a little dig though

Oh at the time I couldn't see a light at the end of it. Was one of the most brutal things I've been through (we were together 11 years but if I'm honest he was an arsehole for at least half of that). Please try and speak to HR today and just be honest. There's nothing wrong with being upset about seeing them together and it will obviously be affecting your MH. You're welcome to PM anytime ❤️. It will get better, I promise!

Thankyou so much I'm so glad your over the prick now x