Hello everyone following this.
So the big update!!! Sorry for the delay, there is real life outside mumsnet and I have been busy!
I started new years eve pretty exhausted...it had been a full on month...separating from my husband, getting a new flat set up, working full time. My choice, I only took one day off work in December, I wanted to stay busy, my way of coping, but it did mean by Christmas I needed a break but there were lots of visits with family and friends...which was actually lovely. New Years Eve I didn't have the kids and was supposed to be clearing our my personal possessions from the family home, but I was too tired, sat on the sofa and binged Netflix...and then totally miss timed preparations for the evening!
I only have a basic wardrobe in my new flat, haven't moved the full wardrobe over, so thought I would see if there was a new top I could buy in the small town I live. The small independent shops were closed for a break between Christmas and new year, which only left Kmart, I picked up anew pair of jeans there, but no nice tops, so I went back to my old house to rifle through my wardrobe. My ex and the kids were not supposed to be there, and I was just going to go in to find something to wear. They unexpectedly turned up, so then I had to act like I was there to try and pack my things up, so had to start throwing clothes into suitcases, and had to spend time with the kids wishing them happy new year etc. and had to spend some time with the ex chatting about our calendars and plans for the kids...so that threw me out at least 45 minutes.
I found a nice zara shirt in my wardrobe, but it is translucent, and the strap on the vest top I would normally wear underneath had broken, so I had to go back to kmart...realised I didn't know where my razors were so had to head to the supermarket...got back home, and immediately found the razors I already owned.
I don't like to fully shave or wax the garden because of itchy regrowth, and being in the new flat I only had 1 pair of scissors in the whole flat to do the job. I have a friend that took me house shopping, she made me a huge shopping list and held my hand through it all. She insisted I needed to get myself a set of good quality kitchen knives. All I had were a very sharp pair of brand new kitchen scissors...not Ideal! I proceeded to nick myself. TMI, while doing the job I also found my found my first grey pubic hair...I decided to take that as a sign I am entering a new era!
I was really running behind at this point, but needed to take a few minutes to cut the Anko labels out of the new items of clothing because I couldn't face the reality that I may have just become a K-Mart mum! (Anko being the Kmart own brand).
I was meant to meet Jack at his house, before going for dinner, but I had to message him to say I would meet him at the restaurant. He told me to park in the Woolworths carpark...under time pressure I picked the wrong woolworths on Google maps...and arrived even later profusely apologising! The food was good, but to be honest I don't think either of us were particularly interested in it!
Back to Jacks...music on, chatted, he bought Pimms especially in memory of some nights we had when we were much younger...and we had our clothes off before midnight.
It was not mind blowing, but I definitely enjoyed it. Jack made a lot more effort to make sure i enjoyed myself than my husband ever did. like @Divebar said above, practice makes perfect...and I think I need a lot of practice. I need to learn what I like and how to articulate that...because I can't do that yet.
I did get to practice saying no. Both Jack and I had condoms, but he asked if he could not use them...I just don't get it...do some women really say 'fine, let's not use a condom'? so men think if they ask they have a realistic chance, or are they just trying it on? Anyway, he was fine with keeping it on.
After so long of only having one partner, and then no sex at all...I suddenly had this completely different person in front of me, different size, different shape, different preferences, different moves...I am so glad I did it. I felt like I was reclaiming a piece of me, and I am free to live on my own terms now.
At midnight we were lying there in his bed and could hear all the neighbours out out on the street banging suacepans or whatever it is they were doing to make a racket...it was a cathartic way to see in the new year.
I stayed over, hung about the next day, mostly just chilling, he made me lunch, and I left at about 3pm.
We have messaged each other since. I think I will see him again, and I am even getting used to the term 'casually fuck' and I think I am happy to start using it. He is nice, kind, funny, intelligent...but we all have some baggage by the time we are this age. I am aware of some things in his life that would have been difficult for him...and being at his house, rather than in a party environment, it seemed quite likely he has an alcohol abuse problem. My ex husbands unhealthy relationship with alcohol, was one factor that contributed to the demise of the marriage, it is scary how common it is. I did ask Jack if he usually drinks too much, and he said he does. I do really like Jack as a person and friend so it is sad to see someone hurting themselves like that, probably because at some point they have been emotionally hurting.
Sorry, slightly weird depressing turn that took at the end. Wish I could have just said it was the most amazing night of sex in my life and I rode off into the sunset, but life isn't usually like that.
I definitely dusted out the cobwebs, had a good time, and took a step forward for myself. Thank you all for being there and reading this. I like to believe there is more good than bad out there, and everyone that has read or commented feels like a member of a little cheer squad for me.
Happy New Year everyone! Hope it is a good one for you all xxx