How do you do it?

[Nunoftheother]

Seriously, how do you do it? How do you find someone who you are attracted to and feel comfortable with and can have a conversation with and who doesn't irritate you too much...

And then they have to broadly share your world view and approach to personal finances and politics and some hobbies. And be looking for something with roughly the same level of commitment - and they have to find you attractive and not overly irritating, and sufficiently interesting...

And then they have to be reliable and honest, and not an addict, and not emotionally unavailable and not in huge debt, and able to hold down a decent job and be reasonably hygienic.

I just don't have a clue, and feel like I'm a million miles away from finding a partner/spouse when I can't even find someone willing to date exclusively for more than a matter of weeks, and not lie about what they're looking for.

Probably when you least expect it.

It's okay to find your partner irritating at times, I love mine deeply but he's currently breathing very noisily near me and I must admit, I'm about to say something.

Nobody is perfect! Don't ditch the ones that have very very minor flaws, run from the ones that give you a bad gut feeling.

Compromise. Lots of compromising.

I also met my DH before on line dating, which I think helped.

You've probably heard it before but I met all of my serious relationships through a hobby. I've had 3 relationships, all different hobbies, it's good to have an interest in common. I will only give the light of day to intelligent men with jobs.

Thank you.

I'm worried about whether I can compromise, now that I'm so used to being on my own - but no amount of compromise on my part will compensate for someone I'm dating not being prepared to make a commitment.

(And yes, I know, then you have to move on; but then it's another year or two before someone else comes along...)

It just seems to be so easy for some people.

It's not necessarily easy for people, but some are more prepared to compromise more than others. If you are unwilling to do this and it has to be your way all the time, people aren't likely to stick around for that.

And I've never gone into a relationship having asked them very early on wether they will commit, you will get a feel for that through spending time with people (hopefully)

Nobody finds someone perfect what they do find is hormones making them smitten enough to be blinkered about flaws or work really hard to suppress the bad parts.
If you look too close at anyone you will find ugliness. Best to look just close enough to check for the essentials.

In your case maybe you need to meet much more men from a broader sector even the initially not hot types and weed them out sharpish.

You don't compromise. You wait....
Join the rest of us relatively happy single ones, who wont settle for less.
You're not alone .

With you Op! I can’t even find anyone on online dating that I even want to talk to, never mind actually meet!

I agree about meeting people through some form of shared interest - a sport or hobby. You have an automatic connection. Things to talk about and do together that genuinely interest you both.

I think it's not so much compromise as stuff that really puts other people off just doesn't put you off. What one person thinks is brash another thinks is adorably outgoing. For some people scruffy clothes is a deal breaker, others think it's relaxed or they just don't mind. You feel right with someone when the things that are annoying about them are things you can easily handle , and they feel the same about your annoying habits.

I consider myself very lucky that I found someone online who not only meets but exceeds what I was looking for. I met lots of nice guys and dated a few but I wasn't going to compromise. I'd much rather be alone than with the wrong man.

Its more like a lottery win than a case of practise and you get better though, so not finding someone to date doesnt mean your next date isnt your life partner, and having lots of excellent dates and short flings doesnt bring it on any faster.

Met mine OLD, it just naturally evolved, I wasnt even looking for commitment. Felt like i was scraping the barrel, had some poor dates then all of a sudden he popped up and it snowballed from there!