Tips needed on “living separately” from horrible husband

[mmmmmmmmno]

Hi everyone, I could really use some advice on how to REALLY live separately from DH.
He is a complete narcissist, I have tried for 12 years to change/make things work/placate him, but I’m exhausted. This is a terrible time to be separating, neither of us can financially afford it, that’s why I’m reaching out for advice on how on earth you separate whilst living in the same house without damaging DC.

Thank you

First what is your financial position exactly ?
Do you own house ?
What equity?
Any pensions if so what value?
Do you both or one of you work?
If so what salary ?

Practical practical practical everything else will follow

I've done this
Come out other side
Message me x

Do not do anything for him. Don’t do his laundry, cook for him or sleep in the same bed. You basically need to live separate lives under the same roof.

Move out of the bedroom. Set yourself up in a separate room. Don’t wash his clothes. Only cook the food you want. Avoid him as much as possible

Hi @mmmmmmmmno

I am doing this right now. So sorry to read that your thinking of doing this too.

We have separate bedrooms and my DDs have been told that even though we live together mummy and daddy are not together.

Most days are tough. I started my own thread ( sad, lonely and long time since I’ve smiled ) not that long ago and have been given some great advice. Take a peek.

I’m sure you’ll get some great advice too.

Take care of yourself

Maybe naive but how come you can’t live separately? Have you spoken to eg Citizens Advice to find out what financial support would be available if you were to move out?
I thing loving together separately must be so hard.

I think it is only possible with two fundamentally decent people. And he isn’t one.

Hi everyone, thanks for the advice. Our situation in a nutshell..
Recently bought a larger house, it’s a project though, needs total refurbishment which is something DH is doing himself. We live in the south and only have around £100000 equity, house price is around £400000.
We both work full time although I am term time so pay is pro rata, works out about £20000 per annum before tax etc. DH only earns about £30000 before tax.
I have 4dc, 2 of them are DHs too, 2 from ExDH.
If we sold the house we would loose money and I would not be able to buy anything big enough for us to live in.
My DS1 went to live with his dad (exdh) in the summer and rarely comes home now, I slept on his room last night. We don’t have a spare room as it is a 5 bed house but I can sleep in there when DS is not here.