I’m struggling with my sexuality

[user1491677187]

Evening everyone, this is my first time posting so please be kind, I’m not sure what to expect to be honest.

I’m 27 years of age and up until super recently I always considered myself straight I’ve had long term relationships with men & have never considered anything else, until 6 months ago I met a woman well let’s just say I’m completely hooked!!! She is also straight, but on a drunken night we both came clean that there seems to be some sort of connection between us, since that night conversation bloomed we were talking all the time, meeting up regularly, flirting, then I told her I thought she was beautiful & she said she finds it hard to receive compliments & since that she’s gone cold on me, conversation has died, haven’t seen her in a few days, she is very busy so I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid but I’m so confused, it’s making me miserable now... I really like her!!!! But haven’t ever felt like this about a woman before. Someone help!!!!

Why do people derail a post???

To OP I know exactly what you mean. But take is slow and talk these things face to face not via sms or wats ap.

Will be easier to gauge reactions etc xx

I think theres an evolutionary reason to suggest that all women are bisexual, something to do with avoiding trauma due to forced copulation. So women get aroused at any sexual stimuli gay, straight, bisexual, violent, forced and even involving animals.

I have known I think two or three people who have only ever had one same-sex relationship and all their others have been with the opposite sex. Whether you label it bisexual or not, if you are both consenting adults and no-one else is harmed, what's the issue?

@Justa47 I agree about talking face to face, as with any relationship.

Hi OP, it’s quite simple really, you’ve just realised you’re bisexual. Don’t worry, it’s nothing to be afraid of. Count yourself lucky, women are much better at, well, everything than men.

As for this woman, she’s shat herself. She’s also had the same realisation as you and it’s scared her. Lots of people are afraid when they find they’re attracted to someone of the same sex, it’s internalised homophobia. Not surprising really considering how much homophobia still exists in society, especially towards ds ian’s and bisexual women.

I’m afraid you’re probably going to have to try and let this woman go though. In my experience the so-called straight woman who is so far in the closet she’s in Narnia is a massive headfuck from hell and will only hurt you.

Your sexuality is yours, it isn't dependent on a relationship with a specific person.

I consider myself a "late blooming lesbian" in that I was married to a man, had children, dated other men, and suddenly realised I was miserable and pushing myself to be fake, all the time. My whole life. I pretended for the sake of family, religion, "compulsory heterosexuality", society's expectations, etc.

But the real, true me, the core of me, is homosexual. That's it. I came out and started dating women, and I suddenly felt like myself, at last. I move through the world with authenticity and strength and clarity that I didn't have before, because the real me was always playing a part and pretending. I am in a relationship with a woman now, and it's the most wonderful thing. She herself is amazing, which is a pre-requisite really! But in general, just being with a woman is like settling down into a warm bubble bath.

So put aside the consuming desire and passion for this one woman, and consider how you feel about being with any woman. A woman. Can you see that? Does that feel right to you? That's what you need to consider.

Then treat this woman with respect as you would anyone, and see what happens. Good luck.

She's not interested. Doesn't matter why.

M*eMarmiteYouJam
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You have expressed beautifully and exactly what I was coming on to say

"But the real, true me, the core of me, is homosexual. That's it. I came out and started dating women, and I suddenly felt like myself, at last. I move through the world with authenticity and strength and clarity that I didn't have before, because the real me was always playing a part and pretending. I am in a relationship with a woman now, and it's the most wonderful thing. She herself is amazing, which is a pre-requisite really! But in general, just being with a woman is like settling down into a warm bubble bath."

It's a long story which I won't go into but yes, I married, had children, was living conventionally but was not content at all.

Then I met a Woman! Something just relaxed in my body and soul, I knew this was how I wanted my life to be.

The fallout wasn't pleasant but I could not live that former life.

That relationship was so, so intense it couldn't have lasted but we are still in touch. I have been in a relationship for 22 years and in a civil partnership since 2013.
I am not bisexual, I am a lesbian who was constrained by expectations.

OP I am smiling at the recollection of how I felt. I know you will be fully respectful of your friend's feelings
Leave the ball in her court and tell her you understand

I wish you love and happiness xx

It's ok to be bisexual but have a preference. I'm glad you experienced some fun and fluttery moments with this woman. Take a step back as pp have said. You don't need to do anything but maybe this has given you something to think about?

@peppita actually I think the article meant the exact opposite, that we are not in control who we are attracted to, we can be attracted to both men and women. Hence I mentioned it in response to the authors post. Didn't even cross my mind to interpret it the way you put it

A similar thing happened to me. Turns out I am totally gay. Who knew? :)