I have a poor relationship with my father. What makes it so difficult is that I can't talk to him, he is very defensive and I fear that if I tried to talk to him he would close down and get angry. He can be very emotionally immature. Most of my adult life I lived in a different city, sometimes a different country and our relationship was the odd visit (me always visiting him, never the other way round), the odd phonecall and text. There was always distance between us. He's also very opinionated, can be very bigotted, and quite hateful to certain groups. For an easy life I never argued with him, just let him have his views, I said very little. Then a few years ago I met someone and now have 2 children. Before DC1 was born my partner and I moved back to my home city as it was easier for us for jobs and houses and my Dad and his wife could be grandparents. Since having my family I can barely stand my Dad, and I feel terrible about it. Everything about our relationship just suddenly came to mind and I have really agonised over it, how he has let me down, how he is a pretty rubbish father. I found myself so angry that I got counselling. The counselling helped as I don't feel so angry but I am still stuck in the same situation, which is that my Dad and his wife absolutely pour over DC1, they love being grandparents (they are still getting to know DC2 - lockdown baby). I try to keep my distance and play along as DC1 loves her grandparents but I still have real bother with my Dad and his views. Every time I spend time with him I get some kind of hassle or negativity. This morning I got a really biggotted message - just him sounding off, it's so negative and hateful! I don't want that in my life. We are moving house, a good half hour drive away and I feel it might be my chance to break free. They don't really like driving, my partner works from home so is quite busy and I am only learning to drive. I feel bad for DC1 but I don't want her exposed to his negativity and although they are good to her I absolutely hate they way he speaks to her sometimes i.e 'you're silly, you're a monster, I'll punch your nose'. He's joking but I grew up with that - he never balanced it out with nice things to say. The whole situation is getting me down because I feel bad for breaking up a relationship but I can't talk to him as he'll see it as an attack. Any advice would be most welcomed. Thank you.