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Relationships

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Original poster

How to tell my parents that I got back with my ex?

24 replies

mirrorofsouls · 19/12/2020 16:02

Hey there, so my ex and I were a couple for 7 months until he broke up with me. We've been together since dec 2019 and he left me in may 2020.. I'm only 17 and still living with my parents so I'm always telling them everything that happens in my private life. When my ex left me they started to hate him and so did he.We had a few big arguments with my parents during these months and now both sides have no respect for each other anymore. Of course I was in the middle and had to decide..adding to that, they pressured me and told me he wasn't a good influence for me anyway. He and I had no contact for a month until we got in touch through his best friend. At some point we got back together, but my parents didn't like it at all. They said he just wanted to use me and didn't really love me. But I did not listen, and I came together with him. But he left me after a month because we couldn't clarify things with my parents and they always argued and told me very hurtful things about our relationship. After that we didn't talk for about 3 or 4 months. My parents made me block him and I listened because I kinda wanted to move on and heal, but deep down I really missed him and couldn't stop thinking aout him. I mean I was doing good but I had a few nights where I just couldn't stop crying or looking at our pictures. 2 weeks ago he contacted me and at first I was hesitant but I thought that we could be at least friends..but now after 2 weeks of talking and meeting up secretly we are actually back together for a week or so. But the problem now is that I don't know how to tell my parents because they hate him and would forbid me to meet with him. I'm totally devastatedb and don't know what to do. My ex (or now boyfriend) and I both actually want it to work out only that he doesn't like my parents because they always control me and essentially make decisions for me. I would like to decide for myself and start living my own life. Even if it would be a stupid idea to get back with him it is still my decision and my life. He's 18 and he's going to move out of home soon and he said that he'd love to live with me and that's when I realized he's actually thinking about our future and really wants to build something with me.
Please help me with my situation I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

AlwaysCheddar · 19/12/2020 16:09

You’ve broken up once, you’ll break up again. Stop wasting time with him and listen to your parents.

LouHotel · 19/12/2020 16:10

Ok so your similar ages, what is that your parents say they dont like about him?

You say there controlling but your not an adult yet so what you may class as controlling is actually parental responsibility, can you give some examples?

Its sounds like this boy is messing you around and at a time when you should be thinking about university your talking about setting up home. I would be devastated as a parent if that's what my daughter wanted at that age.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/12/2020 16:13

I'd be willing to bet your parents have very, very good reasons as to why they don't like him and think he's not good for you. Yes, you can live your own life, but if your parents are normally reasonable people, you might want to rethink things.

WiseOwlWan · 19/12/2020 16:19

I know it must be really hard to hear but if you haven't had a really satisfactory explanation (one that makes sense to YOU) as to why he broke up with you the first time, then that reason has not gone away.
Whatever it was, wanting freedom, feeling bored, thinking he could do better, not having the time for a serious relationship..... whatever his reason for breaking up with you the first time was, it's still there.

I would also bet that your parents have a good reason for not liking him.

I have a 17 year old daughter and I want her to be happy. Seeing her with a boy who was right for her wouldn't be something I'd stand in the way of.

It'd be very, very hard to stand by and watch her used by some bloke killing time with her.

category12 · 19/12/2020 16:20

Before you had this boyfriend, was your relationship with your parents good? Do you think they love you and want the best for you?

If so, try not to let it get to a choice or big drama.

Just see your boyfriend on the quiet for now, if you want to. Don't rush into anything, take your time, enjoy dating him, make sure you're still spending lots of time talking with friends and doing your own hobbies, don't make a boy the centre of everything.

WhatDoHedgehogsSay · 19/12/2020 16:23

What are their reasons for hating him? Do they actually control your life or are they just looking out for you because you’re bf isn’t really that great.

Andi2020 · 19/12/2020 16:24

I have a dd 17 and she recently broke up with a boy. I liked him. I let them share room. He then blocked her on social media except face time and snap chat. It looked like his parents didn't want them together. He only seen her at school in the end.
She is now with another boy so best way to get over someone is move on.
It's your choice not your parents.

litterbird · 19/12/2020 16:43

Listen to your parents, I don't think this young man is good for you. Try and move on before he dumps you again and certainly don't move in with him. Its tough at your age, my daughter went through a similar thing at 17, she's 22 now and cant believe she put up with the boy she was with back then.

NotaCoolMum · 19/12/2020 16:54

Listen to your parents. You are 17 and they want the best for you. No parent wants to see their child hurt or unhappy. I imagine they have good reason to not like him as he’s hurt you before. No good will come of this relationship as you will always feel stuck in the middle and stressed. Also- you are too young to be making such a big life decision to move in with him! You are both still so young and you will most likely not last anyway (sorry- harsh but it’s the truth). Please listen to the people that have raised you and given you life- they only want what’s best for you.

BlueThistles · 19/12/2020 16:56

Your parents didn't make you block him.. you agreed to block him..

He wants to live with you to share the bills... he wants looking after by you.. that's why he's suddenly wanting to move out..

You're not really explaining why he left you.. the reasons.. he broke up with you...

2bazookas · 19/12/2020 17:02

and how and where is Mr 18 he planning to live with you "when he leaves home"?
Unemployment is rocketing, neither of you have any work skills or experience so what are you going to use for money? For rent deposit? For rent and food and heat and hot water and laundry and TV and your phone all that stuff your parents provide for free.

   You live  in your parents home; they run the household by their work and they pay for everything you need.

That's called providing for their dependent child; not "controlling your life".

If anyone's "controlling your life", its this feckless boy who picks you up and drops you whenever he feels like it, repeatedly hurts you, and is now trying to separate you from your parents. Do you really think that behaviour demonstrates love, respect, kindness, planning a future?

Elieza · 19/12/2020 17:06

What decisions is it your bf is referring to that he says your parents make for you? And what do your friends think about your parents compared to their mums and dads parenting style?

Is it just decisions about him or good parental decisions about studying to get good grades, healthy eating etc?

ie are they being responsible good parents trying to help you remember to study (which could be helpful) or are they being unreasonable making you wear certain clothing or preventing you watching certain things on the tv in your bedroom or the internet (all that’s unreasonable)?

Would your bf prefer that HE was the one telling you what to do?

I wouldn’t move in with him. I know it’s tempting but most of the time parents have a point in these situations.

We can give you a better idea of our opinions once you provide more info.

sadie9 · 19/12/2020 17:12

You are too young to move in with someone.
You've only been going out with him for 5 months.
Why does he want to move out of his own house so fast? He must have troubled relationships there. He seems in a big hurry to leave.

Why did you break up with him?
If he left before, he'll so it again. You are not making decisions for yourself. You are only with him because he made a decision.
Now he's making a decision that you two should move in together.
Do you need that shit in your life?
If he loves you so much he'll wait for you. For years if necessary.

You are worth waiting for. If he can't see that then he's not the one for you.

CorianderQueen · 19/12/2020 17:46

Sounds more like he's trying to keep you away from your parents as they think he's no good and he wants to have control of you.

You're 17, it's too much drama and moving out at your age is a really bad idea. Unless you both have full time jobs the landlord will want a guarantor. Usually a parent. You'll also probably need first and last months rent plus deposit upfront.

Do you know much much rent and bills are?

angelaEhen · 19/12/2020 17:51

This is not how happy relationships work, sounds more like he gets back in contact with you when his bored. Dump him and find someone who doesn't mess with your emotions and is kind

JillofTrades · 19/12/2020 19:08

Listen to your parents. You are 17 and very immature to be getting into this type of a relationship, it sounds childish as is. Your parents can see this.

Solasum · 19/12/2020 19:11

I hate to say it OP, but your parents can probably see something you can’t. My own parents had unerring instincts about all the boyfriends I presented to them.

coffeeandjuice · 19/12/2020 19:30

Agree with @Solasum. My parents took an instant disliking to my ex and it turns out they were right to. He was controlling and nasty. I'm not saying your bf is these things but they probably can see something that doesn't sit right for you.

Also, if you keep breaking up with him, it's usually a sign ...

BlueThistles · 19/12/2020 19:36

Parents rarely like men that treat their daughters badly OP..

DianaT1969 · 19/12/2020 19:40

There isn't a good end to this story. You'll either fall out with your parents, end up living in a dive doing this guy's washing, or have him go hot and cold on you like he did before.
Here's what you do. Tell him you like him, but you are too young to commit to anything. You would prefer to live with your parents, finish your education and get a good job. You can't do that and see him. You can't stay friends, but you wish him well.
Then block him. In the future, if you meet someone, don't tell your parents more than they need to know. There are lots of good guys out there.

Ceriane · 19/12/2020 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlowingOrb · 19/12/2020 21:19

Any 18 year old who thinks that a volatile relationship is one ready to move in together is not ready to move in together. You should have enough self-respect and maturity at to realize that. Since you do not, I would recommend either not dating for the next year or committing to only dating casually.

BlueThistles · 19/12/2020 21:22

I hope you're okay OP...

HugeAckmansWife · 20/12/2020 08:33

Very very few people stay with their boyfriends from 17. You grow and change so much. Don't lose your relationship with your parents over this lad who seems less than wonderful anyway. As a previous poster said, your parents are not controlling you, they are giving you the benefit of their experience and foresight whilst providing for all your material needs. The moving in together plan is completely impractical as well as unwise.

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