Mum stood me up again?

[StaceyLWard]

So I live about half an hour to an hour away from my mum. I’m always the one visiting her and getting the train or bus. Today she stood me up for the the fourth time. The other times before I was living in a flat and the bus was easy to take there. Three times in a row she said she would come and visit and would confirm up until the day then she wouldn’t message me or text but would be online. On Tuesday she asked to meet me in town on Wednesday. I said I could as I was working but could do Saturday. She didn’t message me from Wednesday so on Friday night I text her asking if she still wanted to meet on Saturday she said yes and said meet at 11:30. I text her at 10:45 to say I was getting the bus. No reply. Messaged her again at 11:15 saying I was in town. No reply. I messaged her again at 11:40 saying to let me know where she was and I’d meet her. No reply. I’m now on the bus home and feel so bad. What did I do wrong where she keeps doing this? I’m supposed to be spending Christmas with her and my brother but right now I just feel like staying home. What should I do?

In so sorry. This is so hurtful.

I know what it feels like to be so unimportant to your own mother.

What do YOU want to do? If you don’t want to go over for Christmas, you don’t have to. Go off radar for her and see what happens

IF there’s any come back, make sure your entire family know that she thinks nothing of making plans and repeatedly standing you up, so it must be ok if you decide to do the same...

I am NC with my mother, life is better that way. She’s all over my sister like a rash, but that’s how it is. I’ve just withdrawn from the Kick when she’s down game.

That's really horrible of her to have stood you up and not even bother to phone or text, really shitty.

Obviously there's a back story/ history here that you've not mentioned, which is fine, but it does make it impossible to give you much advice except to tell you to follow your instincts.

If you always end up hurt or upset after seeing her (or her standing you up), then simply don't arrange to meet her. Just say 'sorry, I can't make it'. If she complains about you never agreeing to meet, just say 'I'm very busy, but at least I have the common descency to tell you I can't make it, I don't just not turn up'.

As for Xmas, if you think you'd be happier on your own for the day, then just do it, say you're not going. What's the worst that could happen ?

Maybe it's not about you and she's getting panic attack's or anxiety that's she's not aware she's having

So awful and hurtful of your DM. My own DM used to do this to people. She would not stand me up as such but would do things such as promise to look after dd2 so I could have my post natal check up then when I arrived, she would refuse to have her leaving me on the doorstep. She would also refuse to attend close relatives' funerals - I would go to collect her and she would refuse point blank to come. When her brother died I said if she did not turn up, she would regret it forever.

She did not have agoraphobia, because she was quick out of the door into town to go shopping if it suited her or out to bingo.

You need to protect yourself now. She needs to make the first move and must explain herself. Do not contact her. I would never let my kids and grandkids down.

I’m so sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong at all. Letting you down like that is unkind and rude.

A parent treating a child like that is awful and it’s only an issue with her not you.

I wouldn’t blame you if you stopped or heavily reduced contact for a bit.

Well she is a bit of a dick. Not even a 'sorry I slept in' text?

Tell her she can come meet you at yours in future first if she wants to hang out.

Stay at home for Xmas and ask her to contact you when she's remembered her manners. Being a relative doesn't excuse you from being a dick.

That is odd.
I think if she didn't show, I would have gone to her house to see what's up.

What is her living arrangement? Does she have anxiety?

Have you heard from her since? I wouldn't go for Christmas. She's being very rude

I haven’t heard from her since. Usually if somethings happened my brother who lives with her messages me. But I’ve had nothing. She doesn’t suffer with anxiety and has no problem going out alone.

Switch your phone off and prepare for relaxing Christmas without your “D”M.

So sorry OP but no loving mother would treat their child so poorly.

Have a good Christmas,eat,spleap,drink and watch whatever/when you want 💐

The only thing you can do is to stop going there.

Could you invite her round your house instead? At least then if she stands you up you'll behome with something to do.

How are you op? Have you decided whether you'll stay at home?

Hi all,

Thanks for asking @Rubinia I'm okay and decided not to go home. I went to my best friends house and spent the day with his family. My mum text me on the Sunday about what she was watching on the telly. I ignored her as I had nothing to say and she hasn't text me since.

I've decided to limit contact with her from now on.

I'm sorry to hear that, but you're doing the right thing and being very brave. Glad you were able to spend Christmas with people who value your time.
Good on you for ignoring her! She deserves it.