Help me help my friend...In what way is it hard with a newborn to 2 year old

[EynidB]

NC. My friend is on here. She has a 6 month old and had a complete meltdown the other night. Her dp was at work. When on FaceTime the baby was asleep, she’d ordered take away. She doesn’t need to work...I was struggling to see what was so hard. She was very upset and kept saying she hadn’t slept and even when she does sleep, itwas all relentless.

I tried to be supportive and understanding but I have no clue what she’s dealing with. She said it’s not going to get easier for the next two years (I said after 6 months sleeping should get better...apparently I am wrong). Just feeling a bit useless really and would like to help her but I admit I did think you’ve got a curry on the way, it’s only 7pm and baby asleep...she also has DP helping most days from 4pm and all night! I realise I dont know the ins and outs. What can I do to help or is she being dramatic?!

Do you have children @EynidB ?

I have 2 DS's, 16m apart. I remember having moments/days where it felt like that. I am incredibly grateful that I didn't have Ds2 in lockdown as I found having other mums to speak to (and complain with) was a life saver.

She won't have time to wash, go to the toilet by herself, eat without someone sitting on her/feeding from her etc. It is relentless in a way you can't possibly understand unless you've been there. She might have thought (as I did) that they would sleep at the same time - did they hell.

Be a shoulder to cry on, don't judge. I'd say go round and play with the toddler but unless you are her bubble you can't.

My son slept through from 7 months. My daughter on the other hand, she didn't sleep through until 2.5 years. I was up and down 6-10 times a night, she had silent reflux and tongue tie. It literally killed me. I couldn't relax as I knew she would start so what was the point in sleeping to wake up in an hour or so. The tiredness used to hit me at 3-4pm. Lived on coffee. Sometimes you just need a good moan about it to a friend.

To be honest I think you’re being ridiculous, definitely not a friend.

You could be talking about me except I haven’t FaceTimed my ‘friend’ recently because she’s working night and day because of bloody covid.

My DP wfh and I have a 6m old. This week alone I’ve considered just leaving, running away, commuting a crime to get some peace.

My mother took dc out for an hour so I could get uni work done... dc just cried so I had to drive and pick them up. It’s totally relentless. A take away on the way and a sleeping baby does not mean you’re off the hook put your feet up, the house is probably a bomb site, the mental load increasing because you just can’t keep up with daily life admin when you’re so sleep deprived you’re putting milk in the sink instead of in the tea.

Giving life to another human drains every part of your emotional and physical well-being. Take her food, clean her house, look after the baby whilst she and DP enjoy a bath together.

Not everyone gets a child with the same temperament and not everyone copes with parenthood in the same way.

Very nasty to assume she's being dramatic than worry about PND, anxiety or other mental health issue first.

Is this a reverse and you're commenting on a childless friend being nasty?

This book helped me www.amazon.co.uk/Your-Sleepless-Baby-Rescue-Guide-ebook/dp/B00B5D0CU4

Perhaps you can send it to her for Christmas.

Having a baby is really, really hard work and unless you've had a bad sleeper you have no idea how awful the sleep deprivation can be. On top of that because of lockdowns etc. there are virtually no supports for new parents and even on top of that there are large swathes of the population doing their very best to pressurise people who are struggling to cope with isolation and loneliness to feel bad about this as 'it's only 1 xmas etc.etc.' Your friend needs someone to listen and not judge.

You do realise that sleep deprivation is a form of torture? It’s banned under conventions and treaties. The impact of it on mental cognition and health and physical health is well researched and documented. Perhaps educate yourself.

She 'kept' saying how tough she was finding things and you what, argued with her?
Why not take her word for it? And then perhaps see if you can support her?
I hope she has better friends tbh.

Wind up post

Surely this can't be a real post Even as a teenager I knew that parenting small babies/children was immensely demanding and stressful, even with two parents. You must have led a very mollycoddled life OP.

I hope she recognises you here for the shitty ignorant bitter frenemy you are.