When did you know it was ready to end relationship/marriage?

[jellytoots]

Long term relationship with a baby but I’m deeply unhappy and lonely in my relationship have been for some time now. When did you know it was time to end it? Was there a moment or just a gradual build up?

I'm sitting here thinking the same thing. Been with my partner 5 years and have a 2 year old. I've gradually gone off him (for a number of resosns) but especially sinse having my son I see how immature he is and its definetly off putting. We both been picky with each other tonight but tomorrow will wake up and be flat mates again. The lust went a long time ago and now I think the love is too.

I just knew, I'm very much a person that has to be 100% certain about something before making a decision, that applies to relationships too. It also means I probably stay in a relationship far longer than I should, but it does mean that when I'm done, I'm done, and I can walk away with no regrets. It's not a conscious decision, but a switch kind of flicks in my head and that's that.

I wish I was one of these people that can see a situation is wrong and make a decision on that

I was told once that if your sharing a bed with someone and you still feel alone then its time to go.

I was in a long term relationship with someone, with a 3 year old together also...he lied and deceived me so much until one night I was in bed (he was ‘working away’) and I just decided that the next day I would end things, so I did. Was an easy decision at that moment but it took me years to get a backbone and do it, specially since I already had to other kids from a previous and didnt like the thought of another child being from a ‘broken home’
Its been just over a month now and hes already in someone elses bed and lying about it!

When I couldn’t bear the thought of having sex with him again. I was out of there 3 months later.

16 years together with two teens, he used to travel a lot, and left me dealing with everything at home on my own. I started dreading him coming back and when he did, I'd be waiting eagerly for him to travel again. Everyone around me could see I was unhappy apart from him, even when I told him and last year with support and encouragement from family and friends, I ended it and it was the best decision ever and such a big weight off my shoulder.

When I got to the point of making a pros and cons list, there was only one thing on the pros list and it was financial, the cons list was long.

I looked at him one night, when he had come home drunk (again), and realized that I didn't even like him, never mind love him. He tried to cuddle me and said 'I love you' and I couldn't say it back.

But here he was, pissed again, having spent money we didn't have on booze, incapable of being any help as a husband or parent (actually needing my help because he was so drunk), leaving me alone again with a toddler and sick baby. It just felt like he was another child I had to take care of instead of a husband, and something just switched off inside me.

So I said, ' I don't love you any more'............the look of horror on his face was actually comical, because I'd been telling him for 12 months that I needed him to help with our 2 kids (3 yr old and a very ill baby who was always in hospital) and that we couldn't afford for him to go out every weekend and that he was drinking too much ......etc etc

I packed his bags while he slept and woke him early (before the kids were awake), and shoved him out the door while he was still half asleep and confused. Best thing I ever did. The sense of freedom and the huge weight I never realized I was carrying just lifted.

It was a gradual build up with the happiness meter swinging more towards unhappy than happy. And finally nearly always in unhappy.
I finally realised it was over when I started wishing he was dead.

I wish I could leave. I feel so trapped. My son is 12 and I just feel this would be the worst time for him so I've made the decision to stay. Wish I'd left years ago when my son was little

I didn't let myself see it for years. Stayed and stayed, sinking into a fugue of misery, lost.

He broke me out if my inertia when he hit me. I immediately kicked him out and haven't looked back. Should have left him years and years before, but I am the committed type.

Won't let that happen again, though.

I ended a 4 year relationship two weeks ago. He wasn't there for me when I really needed him. I couldn't get a hold of him at all despite messaging.

I wanted to believe that we could work so did stay longer too.

@HopelesslyDevoted2u My mother stayed with my father for us too,I honestly remember wishing they would divorce. Yes it will be hard to leave, but one day you will thank yourself for having the courage to do so.

When he shouted at me like a dog for wearing my boots into the house. My house. My safe space. After years of not wanting him around and despising some of his choices, it was that moment when the switch flicked. I told him then and there that I would be sending him divorce papers. Neither of us have ever looked back - he was as unhappy as I was, I think.

I'm trying to end things as we speak, there's no passion either way but he says basically I don't want to end it in his moody voice and doesn't see his faults. We have a 2 year old and I've really gone off him in the past year, he doesn't do much for our son and his idea of fun is to drink beer and sit round mates who are as immature as he is.

I can't really leave as have a dog and nowhere wants to take a dog and bad credit so renting somewhere would be hard. Can't kick him out as rent his mum's place and don't want him going off the rails and blaming me for it.

I just knew in a general way really, but there was a 'big event' which was the last straw (not cheating or anything, but he got very drunk and abusive) and actually made it much much easier to end things.

If that hadn't happened I'm not sure what would have pushed me but something would have. For me the penny dropped one day when I thought of potentially having 50 more years with the person and I just felt sick. The marriage was over then.

I'm now married to someone else and if we get 50 years together it still wouldn't be long enough.

I think its wise to determine if the unhappiness is directly related to your relationship rather than external factors.. especially since you have a small baby.

Once you know that you have done everything you can then it makes your decision to leave easier.

A few things weren’t sitting right with me, I chose to ignore them for a few years. Parenting styles, emotions, politics etc. I decided over a few months that it was never going to work long term. Trust your gut instincts. All the things at the beginning you found endearing but not quite you, will creep up on you.

@jellytoots, it was a gradual build up but i knew we are utterly done when i got to the point where i felt absolutely nothing thinking and planning a divorce. Before i felt turmoil, pain and distress but after some 5 more years i had zero emotions left. I was ready. Added to that he made some utterly idiotic financial decisions (against my judgement) which meant we were heading towards the cliff drop financially - i chose to get out at that point.

I kind of could live with the loneliness and zero relationship (conditioned by my parents marriage) but when he pulled the rug from under our feet financially that was too much for me.

I ended my marriage when I realised I didn't miss him anymore when I left him. We wanted different things out of life and while we were together he was more than happy for me to go and do the things I wanted to do. But i missed him so much at the start but he just didn't want to do those kind of things so I was always on my own, at first missing him then it turned into wishing I was with someone who would do those things with me. When I started thinking about wanting to be with other people I knew it was time to end it. That was 2 years ago and to be honest sometimes I really miss him now and I wonder if I did the right thing. I'm living the life that I wanted but i hate not having him in it and just always wish that he wanted the same things as me.

For me it’ll be time to end it when I can provide for my child with as much money as he does. Until then I’ll have to stay. I don’t love him and I’m fucking miserable but I’d be a lot more miserable being poor - and seeing my child being poor.

@DonkeyMcFluff

You raise a good point. I said I want to end things last night but on reflection it's not a good idea. I hate my pertner's personality but leaving him now is not going to do my son any favours. I'm with a narcarsist and not happy in the relationship one bit but having a plan for the next 6 months and trying to better myself and finances in the meantime is more than wise.

After a decade together, we were in a hospital room waiting for me to be given a methotrexate injection to treat an ectopic pregnancy. He refused to come into the other room when called because he “doesn’t like needles” and I wasn’t a “child who needs hand holding.” Far from the only issue but the final straw. Started getting my ducks in a row soon as I was medically able, bought my own house a year later. Now married to a kind man who loves me, have a DSD who I adore and planning to add to our family next year.