Where do I stand legally?

[Misscf81]

I have been with my partner for almost 9 years - 9 years in January, but I do not think we are going to last that long.

3-4 years ago we started saving for a house (deposit) and then spent about 18 months looking for our first home, we bought a house in May this year, but before then the cracks had started to show, I still loved him but we were arguing a lot. I put it down to the fact that we had lived in a 1 bed rented flat for 7-8 years, plus there was Covid and the house purchase - and things would be better once we moved into our home, as we used to be great together.

However, we have been in our house for 6 months and things have just got worse - we argue all the time, we have not had sex for around 3 months and I just don't think I am happy with him and I really don't know what to do.

He thinks that everything is OK, but I think he is either in massive denial or is just with me out of convenience.

I think I want to end it, but I just don't know what to do. I don't really want to be on my own but I know that is not a reason to stay with someone.

There are so many other issues....I have just gone 39 and know it is last chance saloon in terms of having a child, but I am the main earner and don't think I can afford to take time off work and I massively resent him for this. Ever since we have got together I have stirved to earn more and progress but he just plods along with no aims or ambition.

If I end it, I am not sure what will happen with the house - and what I will have to pay him to get him out. I earn double what he earns so I think I can afford to take it on on my own. The other option is to sell it, but I have to think about redemption penalties.

Plus, his mother passed away last month so I know I can't drop this on him now, even though we do nothing but argue and I am so unhappy.

I can't answer all of your questions, but on the kid side of things... my wife earns more than I do, there is shared parental leave, and I was meant to take the lions share of that. I think it equates to 37 weeks paid and a total of 52 weeks can be taken. But I could be wrong about that.
You don't have to be the one who puts your career on hold. Actually there was an article about this on BBC news today. Apparently it's easier for a bloke to get his career back then a woman. (I use the word apparently as I'm only going by the article.)

However while I'm sure youd be fine as a single mother, as so many are. I'm not entirely sure this is a good reason to have a child.

In terms of the house, if you’re both on the deeds and have an equal split then you could ask to buy him out, and would need to pay him half whatever equity exists (possibly not a lot at the moment - your deposit will represent most of the equity) minus costs, but might have to take it to court to force a sale if he won’t agree to it.

But you can’t change the locks on him, or deny him the use of the property off your own back, whilst he still holds an interest in it.

It might be worth working out what a sale to a third party would make (minus fees, redemption penalties etc) then show him that he’ll get more back by allowing you to buy him out. I’d make sure that you can actually secure a mortgage in your own name first (with whatever reduced deposit you’d be left with)