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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex in a rebound and seems impossible for me to move on.

11 replies

Jonnyb123 · 18/12/2020 22:17

Please read all it all sorry for it being long. So I sadly broke up with my partner back in the summer or should I say she broke up with me due to a number of things mainly continuous arguments and not getting on. We were together 4yrs which is a lot of time and I very much deeply loved her she was the love of my life. She is now in another relationship which destroys me to be really honest as it all happened so soon we were only broke up 2.5 months before she started seeing this guy she met on tinder which is fair enough we were broke up but after 4yrs I don't know it felt so soon and truth be told in the beginning stages when she first started seeing this guy, not in a relationship with him but seeing him she was still meeting me and messaging me I suppose behind his back in a way even though they were not yet together but she met me on a few occasions and even kissed me, she would also go crazy saying why you talking to this girl crying etc and said she loved me but she did always say she would never be getting back with me so don't get the wrong idea, etc she would always say things like that and was still meeting me without this guy knowing. Anyway fast forward a month she tells me we have to stop talking/meeting and cut all contact as she is moving on and getting serious with this guy as she "loves him".
So I cut all contact for 2 weeks I think it was until I stupidly gave in and messaged her telling her how hurt I am and it didn't go too well she just cried saying she never wanted me to feel that way then she went. So again I cut all contact this time It was 5 weeks until I couldn't take anymore and gave in AGAIN I sent her a simple message you know a general how are you doing and she just straight up ignored me then a week later she replied saying she couldn't talk to me as she is properly with this guy properly and he is her boyfriend and she would hate him to talk to his ex anyway we argued and she rang me saying she can't talk to me and then proceeded to cry and go crazy on the phone also because she thought I had been talking and sleeping with other girls like wtf you have a boyfriend why would this bother you if you are so in love? I never said that but that kind of confirmed she still loves me anyway we said bye on the phone then to my surprise she messaged me saying I hurt her on the call so I was nice said sorry even though I didn't do much wrong she just had it in her head I was sleeping with other girls when it is not true anyway to my even bigger surprise she started making general chit chat with me talking about her new dog, asking me about my life and I was shocked as forever since we broke up apart from us meeting she has been blunt and off over text but she was making convo and replying ultra-quick and there was even a few tiny bits of flirting nothing major of course but a little bit and she again kept going about other girls getting really jealous. Anyway, we were talking up until past midnight then we said our goodbyes, and 3 weeks on I have not heard from her and probs won't but from that encounter, I could tell she still loves me and is just using this guy to get over me he is 100% a rebound no matter how much she tells me she really loves him and he's perfect the way she was that night you wouldn't be that way if you truly loves somebody although I could be wrong.
I am kind of stuck because I just can't seem to move on. I generally do want to move on and find someone new as I have come to terms that my ex will never come back no matter how much I wish it but it seems impossible as I think of her every day, I cry every day over her and I wish I could go back with her and no matter how hard I try I can not get her out of my mind I even dream about her and wake up in the night. How can I move on and find somebody new is it a question of time is a healer and Ill just have to wait to get over her I just truly do want to move on now but it seems impossible but then at the same time I wish I could get back with my ex.

OP posts:
RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder · 18/12/2020 22:25

Block her. Don’t talk to her. It’s over and you need to move on. She might like the ego boost of knowing you still like her but that’s all it is.

Amerimoon · 18/12/2020 22:40

OP, your post is full of contradictions! You’re clearly in a bad headspace at the moment and not thinking clearly. Be kind to yourself and take time to acknowledge that this is just a shit moment in time for you. She is not with you and doesn’t want to be. Park it, stop questioning what this or that means and remember that - if she wanted to be with you she would be letting you know. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to accept that, really accept that. Then you can start to move on in your own life. This too shall pass and you will be happy again OP.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/12/2020 23:45

How old are you, love? You sound very young. Was it your first serious relationship? As the saying goes, the first cut is the deepest, and it's normal to still be grieving the end of a relationship that lasted 4yrs.

Time does heal, but it will go the easier if you can find the strength to block her and STAY that way. Every time you contact her, you're re-igniting the pain.

Stay strong and just concentrate on you for now

Jonnyb123 · 18/12/2020 23:50

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

How old are you, love? You sound very young. Was it your first serious relationship? As the saying goes, the first cut is the deepest, and it's normal to still be grieving the end of a relationship that lasted 4yrs.

Time does heal, but it will go the easier if you can find the strength to block her and STAY that way. Every time you contact her, you're re-igniting the pain.

Stay strong and just concentrate on you for now

I appreciate the advise and I am only 24 but even though I am so young I feel like I’m having somewhat of a mid life crisis Grin as I’m terrified and certain at this moment in time I will never ever find anyone again. Like especially with Covid and I am a very shy person with no real social life or mates I go to the gym as I am into bodybuilding and I have friends there but it stays there kind of.
OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 18/12/2020 23:57

OP you are young. The 1st heartbreak is shit, unfortunately. Lots of us are here to tell the tale.

But life will get back to normal and you will meet someone else.

You need to block your Ex. Then go through the fire as it were - cry, be sad, angry, miss her. Time is a great healer is a cliche, but a true one. One day you'll wake up and she won't be the 1st thing on your mind. It'll get better from then on.

MakeWorkYourNewFavourite · 18/12/2020 23:57

You can get yourself on some online dating. Do it. Never contact your ex again. Seriously. Don't be used as an eco boost. You've got this.

C0NNIE · 18/12/2020 23:57

Block her and get some counselling.

Once Covid is over, take up some new hobbies ( as well as bodybuilding). You won’t meet many women in the men’s gym.

Jonnyb123 · 19/12/2020 00:04

Thanks again for the advice everyone I am going to download tinder as it seems to be where everyone meets these days. My ex met her new guy on there, my dad met his girlfriend on there and my sister met her husband on there and I know loads that have met on there so maybe worth a try. Although the thought of meeting a girl for first time when only talking over text is so scary but I’ve done it before in my teens so I can do it again.

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 19/12/2020 00:06

OK Cupid is good too

Jonnyb123 · 19/12/2020 00:21

@DeeCeeCherry

OK Cupid is good too
Thank you I’ll give it a look there is a new one called Hinge too. Hopefully I find someone as I’m not a guy who likes to be single “having fun” I’m a relationship kind of person you wanna if you get me
OP posts:
Jonnyb123 · 19/12/2020 10:32

Thanks for the advice everyone

OP posts:
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