Grumpy hubby

[ELLAalfie1908]

Is anyone else's husband SO grumpy.
He makes smarmy comments towards me infront of people , it feels like I can't do anything right!
I've told him many times about it and he does improve at first but soon he's back to being that way again. I've even said I am unhappy in the marriage and he improves then goes back to it again after a month or so.
I'm really fed up now, but at the same time I love the man. We have young children!
So i suppose I spend a lot of my time torn between putting up with it and walking away.
Hes not close with any of his family so I also don't want to leave him because he literally has nobody else!
But I'm also not his mother! So it shouldn't be my job to baby him! Hes a grown man.
Anyone in a similar situation?
I feel down constantly now and don't know where to turn.

I honestly could have written this myself. I have no real answers but I can empathise. Its really shit. Is he also a grumpy dad? or just a grumpy husband?

Same here sadly. He is also so bloody miserable and negative! I’m positive and upbeat and am practicing mindfulness and meditation etc and we couldn’t be more different. He is also grumpy towards the kids. He’s just grumpy I’m general and he’s driving me mad.
He also sleeps on the sofa every night which makes me feel great.

Sorry to moan. It felt good to get that out.

Genuinely, what is the point of being in a relationship like this?

Yes I get that you've got children and its not that straightforward to just up and leave.

But a relationship based on contempt is a dead end. You can't nurture and support each other like this.

You say you don't want to leave him because he has no-one else: why is this your problem?

Is there anyone you can go to in the short term? Just to get a bit of perspective?

No.
He can be moody and so can I but it's when we're stressed with work and we just bicker more. Being grumpy and horrible like this sounds like a shit way to live and it shows a total lack of respect.

I was with a man like this. Reading Nick Hornby's How To Be Good made me realise just how toxic our relationship had become, and would continue to be if I let it fester.

I could have written this op. My husband is grumpy alot. With me and the kids. If i say anything about wanting to change things he sulks. It drives me mad and ive been going back and forth in my head about leaving for a while. Sorry that you are feeling down, has he always been like it? Do you think it's to do with stress, the fact that this year has been so crap,not that it excuses his behaviour.

ELLAalfie1908

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.
Did your dad treat your mother like this too?. This sort of behaviour he is showing you is abusive in nature and furthermore sulking is an example of emotional abuse.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. This frankly terrible example of a relationship is what they are seeing and it could well become one they could copy as adults. You cannot shield them from all and you're now not fully emotionally available to them either. They see in you a constantly worried and otherwise preoccupied mother who is trying and failing to put a brace face on.

You should not stay with him just because of the kids; it teaches them further damaging lessons about relationships. They are also not going to say to you "thanks mum" for staying with him if you chose to do that. You are in turn showing them that currently at least, this is still acceptable to you.

Not infrequently, people are simply afraid to move on with their lives and take their own responsibility for happiness. Financial concerns or the fear of being alone often motivate such paralysis, hidden beneath the mask of staying together for the children. Take some responsibility here for your own life and do not be afraid of the unknown going forward. Make the break for yourself and for them and sooner rather than later. Even seeking legal advice for your own self now is helpful because knowledge is power.

Its not your job either to further be a rehab centre for a badly raised man. Its also not your fault or problem that he is not close with any of his family.

Are you codependent in relationships; I would read up on this and see how much if any of this fits in with your own behaviours. Why are his needs here seemingly more important than yours?. You cannot stay with him merely because he would have no-one else, what sort of reason is that?. Put you and your kids front and centre in your lives, not this man before you all.

Could he be depressed OP? Irritability/anger can be one of the symptoms of depression.