Dating never feels right - am I too picky?

[Beatricex]

So I’ve been divorced for 3 years and decided to start dating year ago. I am 34 with one child and really want more children. So it’s about time. Met few people. Some of them I never seen again. Few of them I dated for 2-3 months and break up with. One I didn’t seem to have a spark with (I wasn’t attracted to), one of them had no proper job and we couldn’t even go out towards the end of the month because he had no money to date. One I just seemed to run out of things to talk about (he was quiet). One had much lower sex drive than me. All of them nice people, but I found reasons to break up with them. I am starting to wonder if it’s me?! How many dates I have to go on to find someone who is right? Is there someone like that? Or should I choose “less evil”. How did you know your partner was “the one”? For now I had a list (just in my head ) - must want children, I want to feel comfortable with him, high sex drive, good job (doesn’t need to be millionaire but decent living and not struggling), decent looking (I am not as much into looks, but I want some physical desire), easy going. Is that too much ?!

I don't think it's too much and you are right to be picky. You are in a potentially psychologically vulnerable place if you are feeling broody and wanting more children. Don't let it cloud your judgement and don't settle for anything less than what you want, because it won't work out long term. I feel I settled with the father of my son, and yes I have a wonderful son but i'm ultimately single and have waded through a shitshow of guys on the internet that has put me off dating completely.

You don’t sounds too picky at all. Those are fairly big deal breakers to me.

No you can't be too picky. How many dates have you actually been on? It had to have been well over 100 before I liked someone enough to keep seeing them!

No such thing as being "too picky". It's always better to be on your own than to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. If none of these people floats your boat or is reliable or committed enough or interesting enough, you are right to turn them down.

I did quite a bit of OD and its a lottery: the vast majority of people won't be right for you for one reason or another. There's a lot of losers and game-players out there. If anything I think being ruthless is a good thing. There is no point wasting time on someone who you don't think will meet your needs.

@thepeopleversuswork

No such thing as being "too picky". It's always better to be on your own than to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. If none of these people floats your boat or is reliable or committed enough or interesting enough, you are right to turn them down.

I did quite a bit of OD and its a lottery: the vast majority of people won't be right for you for one reason or another. There's a lot of losers and game-players out there. If anything I think being ruthless is a good thing. There is no point wasting time on someone who you don't think will meet your needs.

Totally second this ^^

Everything @thepeopleversuswork said.

You seem sensible not picky. And also seem to know what you want and deserve. Dating in your 30s is harder, so it can take longer as you're less likely to just wing it and 'see where it goes'.

It is a numbers again but I would take heart that you recognise quickly if someone is incompatible and move on. You're much more likely to find the right guy as you're not wasting time on the unsuitable ones. Just keep the faith, keep dating and you'll eventually meet someone who just clicks. Good luck.

game, not again!

I divorced at 33. Really it took me 7 years to find a keeper.

You are in a potentially psychologically vulnerable place if you are feeling broody and wanting more children

This...keep your standards high as if you settle you may end up as a single mum. The broodiness can have a powerful impact on your choices but just keep going until you find someone who is a good fit.

You are choosing someone to potentially procreate with - you SHOULD be picky!

Maybe you haven't been picky enough to start, dating someone 2-3 months without the spark, you never fancied him anyway, if you don't feel it after 1-2 dates just move on. Don't consider dating someone jobless in the first place. Write a Wishlist of what is important to you basically and use it as a guide to who you select to date, then when you meet if no chemistry be honest with them to say your not feeling it. A year isn't that long to find a relationship so don't stress too much.

Thank you everyone. Yes being broody definitely affecting my decisions - some men I stayed with for 2-3months because they were the ones really wanting children. I rather have no more than having child and divorce again

My advice would be to be picky as hell. Tied to a man via a child is no small decision.

Avoid the ones who have children already.

@chillibeansauce why? I kind of prefer someone who has a child already - they have similar life to mine.