OH chatting to a women online - need advice

[Username789101]

I have been with my OH for 11 years. Recently a women I dont know started to pop up on his social media. I asked who she was and OH said just a friend. When questioned again because I hadn't heard of said friend before OH said they met in an online banter group! And she lives in another country. OH also said it's no different from talking to a bloke online and it's ok because she lives in another country. So ok I went with that. Then a parcel turnt up with gifts 'for the family' There was also a top in this parcel which OH hid before showing me the sweets that where also sent. OH still hasn't told me about said top either. The parcel has a customs label declaring what was in the box and I have found said top in his drawer. Which he has still not mentioned to me.
My question is AIBU in thinking that all of this is way over stepping the mark? I have not asked him about the top yet, but why would OH hide it from me if they are just friends. Why would she send him gifts?
I'm just a bit confused about it all. What would you think in this situation?

Suspicious.

Could be an EA.

I would be asking him straight out.

Bear with me...

I lived abroad for some time. You would not believe the calls, texts, video calls I got from married Male colleagues. Nothing hugely flirtatious or sexual but a lot of banter and just a feeling they would not act like this in front of their wives.

When I came back to the UK the 3-4 men acting like this virtually cut me dead.

My point is...I think men do genuinely think of this as harmless fun and relaxing when there is no possibility of meeting. Not sexual. Not an emotional affair just chatting with a friendly vaguely nice looking woman about TV, news, kids etc.

I'm not saying you should feel OK.with it but before a load of people come on and tell you how this is the end of the world, then I'd advise you consider keeping conversation between you two open on the subject and normalising what is potentially no threat to your relationship at all.

Just to clarify...the fact these men no longer wanted to chat when I was living near them showed to me that they did not and had never intended to cross any lines. Ie. In their minds it didn't mean anything and was never a reflection of their feelings for their wives.

I think he's lonely and she is meeting a need he should be addressing without breaking the boundaries of your relationship. It doesn't actually matter whether he considers this a violation, if it makes one person in the couple feel the fabric is threatened it is a problem.

If you had a male friend that you spoke to in this way would it be okay with your DH?

I think the sending of the top for him indicates it's not just banter and I would assume he has also sent her a gift.

If he would be okay about you doing the same, receiving a gift from a man you chat to online, then it would show he's not operating from a double standard place.