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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please - and opinions wanted!

10 replies

Estelle07 · 17/12/2020 22:48

Hi it’s my first post for many years!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year. I’m late 40s he is 53. We both have grown up children. Long distance from each other but so far, even with lockdown, it is going well. Both divorced. He was then whether someone for around 3 years. He is my first partner since splitting with husband nearly 5 years ago (apart from a handful of dates). He’s a blokes bloke, loves football, his mates etc. He treats me well, generous thoughtful. We have fun together. But (you knew there’d be a but!) so brutally honest sometimes and don’t think he realises that it can hurt my feelings and honestly, if I were to tell him he would most likely say Oh don’t be a snowflake... for example earlier today chatting on the phone he says oh I started watching Game of Thrones again last night, it caught my eye well it was probably Emilia’s tits that caught my eye hahaha so I watched a couple of episodes. I said Nice, thanks for that haha (I said it half laughing but felt instantly annoyed/hurt?) I made sure the call ended soon after... he probably hasn’t a clue that I felt upset. But he’ll say other things occasionally too, chatting at mine when he was here few weekends ago, talking about people from school “I mean back then she was a pretty girl, I mean a really pretty girl”

  • I don’t know if he can read my feelings from my face, but you know when you think Ok, I get it, but shut up?!
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Do I need to stop being a snowflake? Does he have insecurities so he puts a bit of a front on? Or is he an insensitive twat?!
OP posts:
bebarkered · 17/12/2020 22:59

You're not making a mountain out of a molehill, no. I don't like either of the examples you've given. I've experienced both of those myself. Hate that one "I mean back then she was a pretty girl., I mean a really pretty girl", like females are supposed to stay young and hot forever!! You know what I mean? Really insensitive & mysogynisctic if you ask me X

Closetbeanmuncher · 17/12/2020 23:02

oh I started watching Game of Thrones again last night, it caught my eye well it was probably Emilia’s tits that caught my eye hahaha so I watched a couple of episodes

Classy...

Sounds like a bit of an oaf to me in truth OP.

TheCattleGrid · 17/12/2020 23:04

He sounds insensitive and sexist. I bet he doesn't say things like that at work so he knows it's not acceptable / hurtful. The problem though isn't in what he says. The problem is this is how he thinks. The disregard for your feelings is going to show up in bigger ways. Is he thoughtful kind and sensitive in other ways?

TwentyViginti · 17/12/2020 23:04

A crashingly boring misogynist. Does he think he's still pretty at age 53? Hmm

Has he never seen tits before?

OhCaptain · 17/12/2020 23:06

He sounds gross but it seems like you’ve less of a problem with his general grossness and more of a problem with being jealous?

I wouldn’t mind DH finding celebrity women attractive or mentioning someone he knew was pretty.

But I’d mind that type of “lad banter” because it turns my stomach.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/12/2020 23:07

for example earlier today chatting on the phone he says oh I started watching Game of Thrones again last night, it caught my eye well it was probably Emilia’s tits that caught my eye hahaha so I watched a couple of episodes.

Ugh. How pathetic. Are you sure he's in his 50's? He sounds like a 14yo taking to a mate. Bin him because even worse is yet to come.

Lora88 · 17/12/2020 23:08

Honest opinion is he’s not really done anything wrong based on what you’ve said . Yeah it might annoy me abit but it’s just a tv character and the girls from school well we can all comment on people’s looks , you sound a little insecure , if it does bother you just tell him so he doesn’t do it again x

tinselfest · 17/12/2020 23:08

Yeah, agree with others - he's a sexist twat with all the tact and sensitivity of a brick through the window.

Sorry.

sheworkshardforthemoney · 17/12/2020 23:34

Agree that it's annoying and a definite flaw/ personality trait (misogynist)

BUT... I would be weighing this up against the rest of the relationship. I could live with that with an eye roll or telling him 'yuck, that's Pervy' and leave it at that.

It's better to know someone's flaws than someone fake who you never really know. Except when they mess up and gas light you

Estelle07 · 17/12/2020 23:40

Hahaha! I’m laughing while at the same time I have alarm bells ringing from your comments, thanks all for your honesty. Yes I do sound a bit insecure don’t I, and I HATE that as generally I’m a confident strong woman! Don’t get me wrong, if we were say watching a film program etc, and he said she’s a nice looking woman I would most likely think & say Yes she is, and I wouldn’t be jealous honestly! God I’m going to sound thick but I don’t know what that word a couple of you mention means! Myso...wotsit, I’ll have to Google. Yeah does sound like he’s a bit of a twat when I read back my post and read your replies again. Shame when every other part is good....

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