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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finding Breakup hard

4 replies

Mommabearxxxx · 17/12/2020 16:23

Hey.. Me and my ex broke up recently and I’m taking it really hard. I need someone to talk to ect.. I don’t really have any friends I can talk to hence the reasoning for this post.
Basically mine and my ex’s sex life was basically becoming non existent he would rather watch porn than try to do anything with me or when I’d try anything with him he’d like pretend to be asleep. I told him how it was making me feel about him watching porn because he would rather do that than touch me. When me and him did have sex he was never able to ejaculate in me he used to but he just would never. He said he’d stop watching porn ect and show me more attention but that wouldn’t last long. He thinks my issue was with him watching porn but it wasn’t it’s the fact he would rather have a wank and watch porn than go near me. He had a secret phone which he would sit watching it on, I broke up with him because he was hiding things and lying about it to me to my face even though I could see it with my own two eyes. He ended up buying me flowers promising me he would show me more attention and stop watching porn but it didn’t happen once again. He made me feel so small he had me and he wasn’t interested what’s so ever in me. The last straw was him watching porn on my sons tablet. Which I think is disgusting. Anyway we ended up arguing and he ended up leaving and going back to his mums house took all his stuff and moved out. He was telling me he loved me but wanted time away from me and he’d be back. Anyway I looked on his Facebook and he had added girls and he was liking there photos and they were liking his. This was literally about 2/3 hours after he left our home. So I said to him what’s going on you said you want some time to your self and your sat speaking to girls. He then proceeded to tell me that he wants time to be single and find him self. But at the same time telling me he loves me and wants to be with me? Completely messing with my head. I’m the end i blocked him. He had a delivery for his car that came to my house so I messaged him to let me know and he asked me to ring him so we could speak. I mentioned him speaking to girls and he put the phone down. No communication what so ever. I feel so sick, I can’t eat I can’t sleep. I thought he loved me but I can see now he doesn’t. I couldn’t imagine wanting to speak to anyone else or to sleep with any else. He told me he’s speaking to someone else and that she’s blonde and that he loves a blonde. Then he told me that he’s slept with my friend and started laughing about it. I’ve tried messaging him over and over again asking him why he’s doing this to me and he’s just ignoring me. I don’t know what I have done so bad to him all I wanted was him to want to have sex with me instead of watching porn. I feel so ugly and disgusting. I did everything for him I cooked I cleaned I got his life back on track I helped him get his job. I never thought he would ever just leave me like this:(

OP posts:
AlicebytheSea · 18/12/2020 06:02

He sounds like someone you are well rid of. Dont you deserve better than this? Hes treating you like you are nothing.
Breakups are awful, even if you know that its the right thing, all the feelings of panic, remembering the good times etc are normal. Can you keep him blocked and get this loser out of your life? Take it hour by hour, things will get better without this low life around.

Wiredforsound · 18/12/2020 06:19

Move on. Let him wank himself into a coma at his mum’s. He sounds awful - why on earth do you want a man like that? Secret phones, watching porn on your kid’s tablet, not wanting to be intimate with you...if your best friend or sister was dating someone like this, what would you say to her?

1littlequestion · 18/12/2020 06:21

He sounds awful and I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

But to start off stop messaging him and asking him why he did this, cut contact unless it's about deliveries etc. He's showing you who he truly is and even if he's speaking to someone new (which I find far too quick after a break up) and if anything where to happen between them she'll end up in the same miserable sexless relationship that you had with him.
He could change for you, but he doesn't want to unfortunately and you deserve to be happy. You'll get to the stage that you're 100x happier on your own that with someone like him.
And as for watching porn on your sons tablet, disgusting.
Show him that you're strong, even when you're not. I know it's difficult, but he'll be loving the fact you're begging him.

Wishing you the best Thanks

Mommabearxxxx · 18/12/2020 11:37

Hey Thankyou so much for the replies!
I’ve blocked his mum him and his sister and his friends from Facebook. I know it’s kinda pathetic but I don’t want him to be able to try and contact me in any way shape or form. He’s got his car still at my house as it broke and the part he needed for it got delivered I’m going to make sure I’m not going to be here when he finally decides to pick up his stuff because I cba with him trying to worm his way back in.
I bought some toys and some sexy outfits to try and spice up the bedroom but he still wasn’t even interested I never even got chance to wear the outfits as he would pretend to be asleep. Yet when I was at work during the night he would be up. I’m heartbroken I honestly thought he loved me and that he was my best friend, I feel so stupid to of even believed his lies. I’ve asked my doctor if he’ll up the dosage on my anti depressants because I’m really not coping at the minute and I need to be strong for my son. I’m also in university at the moment and I’m failing my assignments I cant think straight and I can’t let him ruin everything I’ve worked hard for. I need to sort my head out because I know I deserve better and I need to start focusing on me and my son and not him x

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