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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DM and DH family

5 replies

Teatwosugar · 17/12/2020 13:28

It has become increasingly obvious to me that my mother is incredibly bitter regarding my child having a relationship with her dad's family.
There is absolutely no reason for this other than my DM being an incredibly jealous person (she would deny this, I think she's genuinely blind to it). Any time I mention any of DH family in regards to DD she's makes very bitter and often subtly nasty comments. The first time my DD slept over with one of my inlaw's I saw DM the next day and mentioned it to her, within an hour she had started an argument over nothing and didn't speak to me for over a week. It was blatent that was the real reason.
Also when DD was born (she's 3 now) we lived closer to DH family, when looking to buy a new house about a year later DM convinced me that closer to her would be best so she could help with childcare (I had virtually no childcare from DH family due to work schedules). I now see she was just saying this to get me to move to her with no real intents on providing childcare, so she could have her granddaughter closer to her (more specifically further way from DH family!). Also relevant that when we lived nearer DH family she NEVER made the 1hr10ish round trip to visit us, and made it clear she wouldn't be, I went to her every week including when DD was born and I was stitched up to the high heavens! I now wish so much I had stayed where I was.

I know it sounds a bit like I'm making something out of nothing but I'm trying to summarise as much as possible and not be too outing. But has anyone else been in a similar position and can offer any advice?

OP posts:
hocuspocus1922 · 17/12/2020 13:34

Oh god yes I been through this with my mam . She was so jelous and like yours would get all pissed off and nastys when the other grand parents used to have her . 15 years later and it's still really the same 😴. Nothing you can say or do will change her . I would be saying unless she stops being immature you no longer want to go to see her . And don't . See how long it takes her to realise what she has been like

noirchatsdeux · 17/12/2020 14:26

My mother used to be the same with my late MIL. Was always bitching about how MIL was able to hold down a career as a secondary school teacher because my ex H was an only child - even though MIL only started, from scratch to train when ex H started school. It took her 7 years in total, she started teaching when ex H started secondary school...

My mother couldn't be bothered going back to work because she felt my father 'owed' her to be a SAHM because she'd had 3 children (the fact he hadn't wanted even one in the first place was overlooked). My ILs both worked extremely hard and had a good lifestyle thanks to it.

I got sick to death of the bitchy comments. Sadly MIL was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 67 - she hadn't even retired, died when she was just 70. It was the only thing that stopped my mother's comments...but she's now moved on to bitching about my brother's ILs....

My only advice is to not to engage with her when she starts. Change the subject, move on to something else. I'd also limit the amount of time you spend with her.

LightDrizzle · 17/12/2020 14:32

Competitive grannies are such a bore. Your mum sounds pretty awful.
No advice really but don’t try to appease her any more.

JillofTrades · 17/12/2020 14:43

Are you sure you want such a nasty person around your dd? She's proved how jealous and toxic she is. It is only a matter of time before your dd picks up on this.

Teatwosugar · 17/12/2020 20:10

@hocuspocus1922 @noirchatsdeux
You both sound like you could easily be talking about my mother! I agree with limiting time spent with her, and I'm conscious that I don't want my daughter around someone like that particular often. However my daughter is very fond of her which makes it difficult Confused

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