Separating from DP in 2021. Need to talk through my reasoning.

[Justalittlebitt]

I'm intending to separate from DP in 2021.
It feels like this is the year to do it, but I'm so devastated that it's come to this.
We have DCs, had always intended on getting married, but after a surprise pregnancy (found out at 26 weeks!) We decided to put our plans on hold as we were feeling overwhelmed.
That was 3 years ago.
Since he has been born, we have not got along. At first we put it down to the stresses of 2 DCs, but it I have come to realise that I don't like DP very much a lot of the time. We used to have things in common- travelling, antique shops, markets, beer, but all this stops when you're at home together with DCs and I've realised that the "home version" of him is a bit disappointing to say the very least.
DC2 had a few health issues and I reduced my working hours to PT, yes I know how vulnerable that makes me being unmarried and all but it was a toss up between that or a breakdown.
I want to get married one day to someone I love and enjoy spending time in the company of, but I don't feel that way about DP.
So, I'm initiating separation mainly, because I'd like to get married, but I jave realised that don't want to marry HIM. And the longer I put it off, the more vulnerable I become as his unmarried home-help with only part-time earnings.
Talk me through... I am right to do this aren't I?

Absolutely right. One life and all that. It will be tough but the longer you are with the wrong person the longer it will be until you find the right one which is what you want.

Good luck. Plan wisely and look at your financial position. Hopefully he feels the same and it may be an amicable separation .

I don't know to be honest. Children are really hard work and the early years can drive a wedge between any couple.
Do you know how he feels about the relationship?
Every relationship needs a ton of work, there is no relationship where you fall in love and live happily ever after. All of the 30 year marriages I've known have survived because one or both partners make a huge effort and sacrifices.
Also it's really really hard to meet someone nice with two small children, most men aren't always interested in their own children never mind someone elses.
Getting a relationship back on track often involves date nights, regular sex, finding a life and interests together without the children and letting go of petty day to day resentments, being kind to each other.
He's probably wondering what happened to his life since the DC.
I'd have a long hard look at what you could do if anything to improve this relationship until the children are older. But we can't really help unless we know what he does or doesn't do that makes you angry.

Have you talked to him about how you feel? Does he feel the same way?
It's easy for us all to fall into a family routine, and suddenly realise the relationship has changed. Even more so this year, as we are all restricted in what we can do at the moment!

How long have you been together OP?

What is the money situation really like?

As in - do you both rent, no real savings, once childcare sorted when they're a bit older you'll be able to go back to a job earning the same as him and your assets will be pretty much equal?

If so, separate.

Or: you bought a house in his name only because of you not earning enough, he's got a ton in savings because he insists on you 'paying your way' 50-50 on bills despite you earning nothing because you raise his kids for free?

If so, I would get married to secure the rights and assets that you should have had all along via the protection of marriage, then assess for the next year after that whether you want to stay or go. Then if you go, marriage will ensure that you don't get shafted (short marriage notwithstanding - if you have kids then previous years' cohabitation will be taken into account.) Eg - he's been building up a nice pension over these years when you've been covering the part -time hours he hasn't had to take out of his job. Marriage would entitle you to YOUR SHARE of that.

Date nights, sex and mutual interests are non-existent.
Been together for 10 years.
We have separate friends, separate social lives and through counselling myself, talked through ways of improving the relationship with DH but anything I tried, he would want to rearrange if an opportunity to go out with friends surfaced.
Sex is a sore point as he has piled on a lot of weight and has lost confidence in his body. He has also started snoring loudly which has pushed him into the spare room as he keeps me awake.
I feel like I've been pulling one way, whilst he was pulling another.
Only since I gave up trying too have I felt my energy for life return, but I'm deeply saddened that we drift further and further apart.
I tried desperately hard to hold on for a long time. He even chose to do his hobby on my birthday, leaving me with the DCs to take care of for 12 long hours when DC2 was a few months old.
I don't think there's much hope.

Wow ok. This guy needs a boot up the arse. The trouble is that us men are too dumb to see it coming a lot of the time. Maybe you leaving will wake him up. We get lazy, complacent, we don't think as deeply as you ladies do sometimes. Hope it works out for you OP, whichever way this goes.

Thanks @ForestChris83 it's good to hear from another man's perspective sometimes.