Anyone else find this?

[LostVoiceInTheCrowd]

Men fancy me and some want to date me but I think (know) that I'm not the sort of woman they really want to be with and none has ever wanted to commit. I think the expectation of me vs the reality is too different.

It's frustrating, demoralising and has made me too wary to try again. It's getting harder as I get older - i feel the older men are, the higher their expectations of the 'sort of woman' they feel they deserve.

Oh and no to your thoughts it's to do with your body. I promise it isn't.

I really don't think it has anything to do with your appearance.
Do they think you wont be the type to cook, clean up after them, put them first?

It’s not just you, OP. It’s me, too.

If I am honest, I can say that I don’t really know how to have a relationship that is on track for the lifelong commitment I want. I know how to be charming and interesting. I know how to dress and engage in banter and I have a good energy. I’m supportive and reliable. I don’t pick fights or fight dirty. I’m accepting and I take care of my responsibilities. I feel like I am missing some crucial element that would make men see me as a long term partner.

In my case, I’ve had a few relationships which lasted a couple years and lived with two of them. All of them left me, and all of them married someone else within the year. They still speak fondly of me and to me, and I know I didn’t do anything to make them resent me. They just didn’t get inspired to move forward in life with me.

I usually try not to think about it, but your post has made me quite sad.

PuertoVallarta

That all sounds very familiar.

What do you mean by cool anyway?

That's the word they use to describe me. I dont tend to.put myself in a box...

A lot of men are chancers those comments from friends partners, makes you think their nice doesn’t it?

Of course lots of men I'm chancers. I wasn't thinking about the husbands who hit on me, the ones I was thinking about are the ones who told their wives and their wives told me.

Honestly, if there's one thing men have it's the audacity. Men are spoiled, porn means they have unrealistic and sexist expectations for how they believe we're supposed to look and dating apps have meant that it is so much easier for them to have access to multiple women to view/consider. Along with this it's likely that they are picking up on the fact that you feel a bit insecure.

I recommend checking out Female Dating Strategy on Reddit. A lot of people have opinions on FDS but peruse it and draw your own conclusions. I don't agree with all aspects of it but since implementing some of their advice my dating life and self-confidence has certainly improved.

Good luck and don't think it's to do with your body. The right guy will find you attractive as you are and see being intimate with you as the privilege that it is.

Don't blame yourself OP, a lot of it is down to porn which is full of young, unrealistic women. It's trained their brains to think that this is what they "deserve".

"50 something, bald and a bit paunchy, or with less than taut skin themselves, a droopy arse and sagging ballsack... None of which I mind as I'm not shallow."

That really made me chuckle. They should want you for your sense of humour alone, OP.
Good luck.

Maybe you are going for the wrong type - the type you THINK is good for you long term, while overlloking nice, kind men. You said you've only dsated 4 men in 8 yrs - that's not a lot at all, even for the mathematical chances pov. Maybe try getting to know more men rather than go for someone who causes an immediate spark?

Demanding men are often charming and know how to intrigue you, and yes they may hae a lot to offer in principle, but then they have unrealistic expectations to go with that, as you say.

*from the...

Sorry I don't have personal experience of this but an actress (jorgie porter) described this happening to her. She said she's very unsuccessful in her love life because men have an image of who she is in their heads and she isn't that person/cant live up to that person. So it definitely is a 'thing'.