I have some practical questions for helping someone out of rock bottom (maybe)

[shescreamsforme]

Slightly posting on behalf of my mum, I don't have the full full picture of the past because a lot has been hushed up for years, I think

My uncle is an alcoholic, he was my grandads carer and he died two weeks ago and my uncle who was already drinking... went down that hole. He did the same when my nan died 4 years ago. He isn't very good at the practical day to day stuff at all, cleaning, personal hygiene, food hygiene, food anything actually. He shakes really badly so just doing stuff is almost impossible, he had always had this shake for as link as I can remember but it's a lot worse. Also he it's pretty tech illiterate and if he's ever had a job separate from my grandad I don't remember it, they did boot sales up till my grandads dementia got too far but he couldn't do that now.

He was living in my grandparents house and doesn't want to return to his flat but that cant happen because he can afford to run it, he cant look after it and it needs selling. We went to check out the condition of his flat (surprisingly he was ok with this) and it's a mess, junk, very old vomit and other... stuff. It needs professional attention and a skip. He can't go back there, I doubt he could get up and down the single flight of stairs as he is frail and has joint problems.

On Monday he spent the night on the floor, 111 and his GP were called about his MH and lack of eating and he was taken into hospital. The funeral was Tuesday, he couldn't attend as he is being detoxed. No one can visit because of covid unfortunately.

Questions:

• Any idea how long he'll be in hospital detoxing for?

• How best to get support for him when he is discharged from hospital?

• Am I right in thinking that if my parents taking him in social services will be more likely to put his care on them rather than actually helping him? (My brother already needs constant care because of his SN)

• Any recommendations for cleaners or some other professional that can deal with clearing out clutter and basically biohazards? (East London/Essex area)

• What would you get him for Christmas? I can't think of anything

Bump

I don't have any relevant experience but I suspect you are right about SS. In these cash strapped times it's obviously easier for care to be with a family member.
Have another bump, I'm sure someone who has experience will see eventually.

I am sorry to hear about your grandfather's recent passing.

Sadly too the only person who can help your alcoholic uncle here is his own self. No-one else can do that and if you or your parents at all step in now you will merely end up enabling him (also your parents are caring for your brother). He is an alcoholic with what is likely to also be a long term drink problem; his primary relationship is with drink and remains so. This is also primarily why his flat is a mess and he is not eating. Cleaning his flat professionally is also merely scratching the surface of what is really going on with him because the underlying issues very much remain. Also there is no guarantee at all that he would be able to at all keep his flat clean going forward and so his life would further descend into chaos yet again.

A hospital detox is but a short term measure and there is nothing to prevent him from drinking again when he leaves hospital. There are no guarantees when it comes to alcoholism; he could well go onto further lose everyone and everything around him and still choose to drink afterwards.

What have the hospital stated to you all about discharging him?. I would inform them now that he cannot readily return to his flat and that Social Services need to step in.

The 3cs re alcoholism are you did not cause this, you cannot control this and you cannot cure this.

You cannot rescue and or save him and neither can your parents so do not even think of going down that route. I would suggest you contact Al-anon and get further support for your own selves that way.

Thanks @pog100

@AttilaTheMeerkat Thanks.
Long term problem, you're telling me!
I think the state the flat is in is from 4 years ago, judging by the dates on stuff, and after that he was semi functional while caring for my grandad but obviously the help he had for that had to stop (cleaners a stuff) and his purpose is gone and I appreciate he needs to find another purpose himself because no one can do that for him.

Hospital were told the what state his flat is in and they said they would pass that on to occupational health. He's been moved to another hospital to free up a bed.

My parents are looking at flats near them (there's no one left where the current flat is) but would that be enabling and helpful?

When the sale of my grandparents house goes through he stands to inherit half of it (easily more than £100k) which is probably not going to be well used.

Will look up Al-anon