36 weeks pregnant and relationship failing, I really can't cope

[questioninghowwhy]

Partner doesn't live here full time as he is often away for work but he's here now and 'off' work. He never cooks, prepared grocery lists, put demanding 2yo to bed, instead it's me putting her back 10-15 times until she settles at 9pm. I've also got 8yo, but they were amazing at bedtimes, bed and sleep by 7pm. The 2yo bedtimes are causing me a great stress as I've got a newborn in less than four weeks and will have three kids to deal with all largely on my own (partner not here that often, my family all live overseas, v far away)

He is the most unsupportive, uncaring person I know. Im still working (from home) full time and it's super busy but actually have never had a friend like this, let alone partner. He is just so selfish. Doesn't show any care in cooking me a nutritious meal or letting me put my feet up. At 6pm this evening I hadn't prepared dinner for kids and he said he didn't know what they were having and not to bother with his dinner , he went out and had big lunch. I was and still am fuming. I told him I can't stand the sight of him. He looks at me blankly when I say how unsupportive he is, then says he has nothing to apologise for. Never once has he apologised. God, he is such a selfish prick. We got together and got pregnant v quickly with our now 2yo.

The reality is im faced with raising three kids here on my own (not my home country) and the thought of doing thus is just dreadful. I already had failed marriage and 8yo, now will have three kids. My life has turned into a total shit show and I now just cry so much, I don't want this baby nor my shit life. Please can someone show me some love (and sense)

Didn’t want to read and run. You haven’t failed at all. He is failing as a partner and father. Do you have any relatives that could travel and come and stay with you for a few weeks/months after your baby is born, to provide you with some support?

You are doing brilliantly. When baby is here, you will at least not be pregnant so moving will be easier. Can you order precooked food now that you can do easily after birth? Does the 8yo enjoy cooking? DS at that age will do half the work for half the meals in the week (you will have to supervise, but supervising slow cooking whilst feeding baby is easier than actually doing it quickly)

Up to you on whether you keep the partner. And you can keep quiet for now and decide once things settle down after the birth if you want.

Sounds as if you already have 3 kids, 2 real ones and a giant useless manbaby.

Fundamentally you're coming to realise he just doesn't care about you. And sadly it looks as if he doesn't care about your children and future baby either. Because if he cared, he would show it consistently through his actions.

So now you know, you can ask yourself "Do I want to spend my life as an unpaid servant to a man who doesn't care about me or our children?"

It's actually really good to find this out before you give birth, as you can plan ahead.

Wouldn’t it be easier without him around? At least then you could get yourself in a routine and I think it’s worse doing stuff when someone is sat there not helping. He’d have to have the 2 year old sometimes to give you a break. He’s using you like a bed and breakfast!

Have you got a big freezer? Check out the website called Cook. Stock up your freezer. Don’t cook or do anything for your partner.

Do you have a job to go back to? How did you end up in that country?

I don't understand if you were fed up with him after your first DC, why didn't you leave him then after he went away for work.

I’m not judging but this man has obviously been a problem for a long time so why get pregnant again when your life was already really hard?

I’m sorry op that sounds shit. This is probably what you’ve already done but have you been really specific about what you want him to do? Eg ‘you need to cook dinner for the kids four nights a week I simply don’t have time?’

Have you sat him down and said this is simply not on, that you will walk if he doesn’t do x y z?

I know he should do this all without being asked and not be a prick, but any help would give you a bit of breathing and thinking space.

@Sunflower1970 that’s a really helpful comment, well done. You’re also clearly judging so why say you’re not?

I have to agree with @Sunflower1970 - the OP does need to take some responsibility for this - the OP asked for some "sense" but unfortunately in this situation it would be like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

The best you can do OP is sit him down and explain how unsupportive he is. Problem is If he barely Lives with you then he has his little routine away from home which is effectively that of a single man with no commitments and people like that find it hard to switch on the helpful father/partner/domesticated role when they are at home. That's why so many of those jobs are done by divorced fathers/husbands

Thanks everyone. It wasn't always this bad however probably because I wasn't pregnant and I was always used to doing everything on my own but now I'm struggling bring pregnant. I expect him to step up which I've explained to him but he just doesn't get it, shows zero empathy of my everyday situation. Any concern of mine is dismissed. And yes I've spoken to him about specifics, he tells me he can't cook (He's a pilot! Of course he can read a recipe, use his brain), the bedtime for the 2yo is a joke, he couldn't care if the two yo went to bed at 10pm, he's European and they're so lax about bedtimes. When I asked him the other night to put 2yo back into bed, I was told to stop being annoying. Again I explain that he needs to be on side and help. In the last few months I've seen a side to him that I don't like at all and previously said I feel like a nanny you want to f**k.