Just want my husband to talk to me

[Dogsandbiscuits]

I dont know how I havent noticed this before. We have been together 10 years. Every time I bring up an issue that I'd like to be resolved, I get the silent treatment.
I have been struggling lately, under a lot of stress, feeling quite alone as we have had to change jobs and dont get much time together. When there is an opportunity to be together he goes off and does something else. Anyway I told him how I was feeling in a very calm way. I just wanted to give me a cuddle and say we would find some time together and do something, but no. He said he has nothing to say, that he doesn't know what I want from him.
Looking back hes always done this. I'm starting to see it as possibly a form of emotional abuse. Resolving an issue is like pulling teeth!
He'll also stay up late drinking and smoking, threatening to sleep on the sofa, so I back down and things just go back to how they were, but the original issue is never resolved.
Its driving me crazy! I've just got in from work and he took himself off to bed. When he gets up hes going to work. And so it goes on...
He didn't speak to me all day yesterday but got annoyed when he realised I hadn't cooked him dinner. And again today because I hadn't paid a cheque into the bank for him. Hes been at home all day and knows where the bank is!!
Sorry it's just a rant really. I dont have anyone to talk to. I just feel like a skivvy that he doesn't give a shit about

Ranting is all well and good but afterwards the underlying problem i.e his abuse of you still remains.

Abuse like this is insidious in its onset and does creep up on people.

I would encourage you to keep posting here and to find it within yourself to leave him. He seems quite happy as he is and does not think he is doing anything wrong here with regards to you, he feels entitled to treat you like this.

You feel like a skivvy to him because you indeed are a skivvy to him.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Did your dad treat your mum like you are now?.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none so your relationship is well and truly over in any event.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. What is the point of you and he remaining together at all, after all you only get one shot at this life. You don't want another 10 minutes let alone another 10 months or even worse, years, of this from him.

Would you be willing and able to talk to Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247.

I think it's all just crept up on me. Hes a lovely husband when it's all running smoothly. We have been very happy together but I just dont feel happy anymore.
Thinking back to my childhood my father was very overbearing, his way or no way and I suppose my mum just went along with it to keep the peace. Very telling!
I'd just like things resolved before xmas but I dont want to back down either.

He doesn’t sound lovely to me

So don’t back down. Make clear you’re not happy with things as they are and him walking off and giving you the silent treatment isn’t going to make the problems go away.

This is ringing a few bells with me. My oh is happy as long as he is being agreed with, I have got so used to biting my tongue over the years, but this year we are disagreeing more and more, I am desperately unhappy. I feel to the outside world he looks like a model husband and I will be judged for decided to split but living it is hard. My anxiety is very bad at the moment and had to keep excusing myself at work today to have a cry !

Why does he want to be your husband if he doesn't, well, like you? Pretty sure when you were shopping for a spouse you didn't have,
"Does not want to cuddle me or spend time with me"
as one of your top ten must-haves!
Nowadays are you anything more than disengaged housemates?
Would you say this was a zombie marriage, very dead but still stumbling on (or not)?

I'm feeling very strong today, I think the angers kicking in!
I've just had enough of it I'm going to sit him down tonight and tell him how its making me feel and that we can't go on like this. See what happens.
I've got half a plan to leave, I have money in the bank it's his house so I'll have to leave. I start to plan it then think oh dont be silly, it's not that bad

My only concern is my daughter is going to be doing her gcses soon and I reall dont want to jeopardise her doing well. Might have to sit it out for a while, but will see how tonight goes first.