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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have no idea what to do

2 replies

Moon90 · 16/12/2020 00:40

My oh of 13 years has always been a heavy drinker (denies he's an alcoholic or even has a problem), it's always ended up in a huge argument /screaming match with nothing changing and trust me I've tried it all, the recommendation to see a GP for a health check = arguing, leaflets and advise books=arguing, begging and pleading =arguing, backing away from the relationship = arguing and fiance difficulties, websites, fact checking, contacting support groups, ect have always ended with him saying "I'm my own person I can do what I want, I don't have a problem you have the problem because you don't drink you think I'm an alcoholic". So two years ago I said to my self that I'll sit quiet as its not worth the fight anymore and since I've backed down it's got worse, what use to be 60 cans a month has went up to 100/150 a month (not even kidding) our daughter age 11 has noticed and apparently brought it up with him She said his repsone was adults drink and you'll know more once you're older, he thinks I asked her to say it considering he only drinks when she's in bed or away for a night but the thing is you can't hide the empty cans and bottles that are in the bin, she's not stupid! Now I can see he's physically changing with the drink. He's got quite fat, skin has aged him years and is just dull and sweaty, he's out of breath quick, he can't drink more than 6 cans now before he starts dry heaving and uses The escuse that he hasn't ate witch I know isn't the case, he's basically living on leperimide othereise he's on the loo all day and he's just not a man at 35, he looks about 46! I've tired to talk about depression, anxiety and stress, asked if he has any low thoughts or if there is something he might want to mentally deal with, he claims he's a happy person and is content with life. I think after Christmas I will have to move out with our daughter before she gets affected badly as its not fair on her. I was just wondering if anyone knows or had experience with the same problems.

OP posts:
AIMD · 16/12/2020 00:46

Sorry I have no personal experience to offer. I wanted to mention an organisation I had heard of others using though. It’s called Drugfam abs they support family of people with addictions abs have a helpline. I think maybe people working there have personal experience of similar situations.

Sorry, it sounds like a really tough and sad situation.

Icanflyhigh · 16/12/2020 00:47

Didn't want to read and run. I feel for you hugely, but you aht help someone who doesn't admit there's a problem.
I feel you may be right about needing to move out with your daughter. Will that give him the wake up call he so obviously needs?

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