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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Going to leave

11 replies

inamess2020 · 15/12/2020 19:30

I didn't know where else to put this as I never talk to friends or family about this stuff but needed to get it out.

I've recently moved abroad to join my husband and daughter. We've been together 15 years and it's always been a bit tumultuous. To be honest I thought that was good as it was the opposite to my previous relationship that failed.

Long story short once I got out here it just didn't click for me, we were having more fights and he was out a lot more than I'd hoped seen as I had just made the move here.

I was thinking it was time to call it a day anyway and then tonight his iPad was open. There were messages on there from 2 years ago from his birthday. A girl I had raised issues about then and got told she's no one just a friend. Yeah yeah, so I find messages from her from that night saying 'if you're still having stuff with your ex then I won't bother'. We were I thought happily married at that point. Wow!!! What an idiot I am!

So now I have to return to the U.K. with no home, no car, very few belongings. Thank God I still have my job!

If this was a one off I would probably try and get through it but this is the last straw in a long line of betrayals. Although I don't know if he's ever actually cheated, I know he's made girls believe he's single and had inappropriate conversations with many over the years. I feel like it was always harder to leave than just stay and we have a child.

I don't even know what to do, I can't even get to the main airport by myself with all our luggage. And I don't want him to be trying to talk me out of it again. I've tried to leave so many times. I feel so alone.

OP posts:
Jonnywishbone · 15/12/2020 20:28

You are better off out and will be happier in future without all his stress. Find someone dependable and honest.

It sounds horrible, best of luck to you

BlueThistles · 15/12/2020 21:20

Keep going OP... don't look back.. once you are at the airport check in and relax 🌺

CharlieSocial · 15/12/2020 22:41

How old is your DD?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/12/2020 23:08

Is your DD safely with you?

inamess2020 · 15/12/2020 23:43

DD is 6, we're not in any danger. It's just having to deal with the situation I'm not looking forward to as he always talks me round/begs me to give him another chance. I've realised that even if I've had temptations in the past, I've always felt so guilty I owned up to it. He's only felt guilty when caught!

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/12/2020 23:46

That's good, sorry I more meant is she safely with you and not stuck somewhere different with him where he could obstruct you travelling with her. Glad she is safe and so are you Thanks

BiggapTwins · 15/12/2020 23:51

So what are you looking forward to with your clean slate and freedom? House or flat? City centre or village? What car will you drive?
You got confirmation that would not have happened if you did not go abroad - WTG!!!
As other PPs have said, no looking back, just each foot in front of the other. Embarking on an adventure allows for dreams to come true!Wink
Enjoy and Best of Luck and Happiness OP Flowers

inamess2020 · 15/12/2020 23:54

I do feel that by moving our whole life abroad it showed me that you can start over in life so maybe I needed that lesson first to gain enough strength to go!

Definitely a house, we had a flat before and so I really want some outside space, car not sure but it will be red!

OP posts:
june2007 · 16/12/2020 00:09

I a a bit confused as you say the messges were from 2 years ago, was there anything more recent?

inamess2020 · 16/12/2020 03:57

@june2007

I a a bit confused as you say the messges were from 2 years ago, was there anything more recent?
There was a completely different girl from last year that I knew nothing about with messages from him saying 'Baby I love you' and her saying 'love you too' in a relationship kinda way.

Also found a fair few girls numbers on his contacts with names like sexy so and so, Karen hottie etc

OP posts:
Feminem · 16/12/2020 08:10

One day at a time OP. You've made the first step and have a better life ahead of you. When do you plan to leave? And where to? Focus your attention on that. Can a taxi get you there?

It sounds like you are resigned to his infidelity now and don't have a life there anyway. The future can only be brighter than that. X

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