Co-worker is a nightmare...

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

I'm having a nightmare at work, and need some advice please 😬

I was made redundant recently due to COVID and lucky enough to find something quickly.

It's a local company which is handy as I'm a single parent.

On my first day I was really happy and thought I'd enjoy the job, however it quickly became apparent that my co-worker who I share an office with is a full scale nightmare.

We do the same job and she's having to train me, something it's clear she hates doing. She complains constantly about everything and everyone, she has a difficult family environment which most definitely is affecting her.

She admittedly drinks a bottle of wine every night and most days her moods change rapidly from one minute to the next. It's incredibly hard work and draining working alongside someone like this.

My manager who is her boss seems to get on well with her, they go for cigarette breaks together. But I guess the dynamic is different as that's her boss abs they don't share an office together.

I'm trying to professional and initially we got on well, but she talks a lot and I felt as i'd only been here a couple of weeks it was important I get my head down and work. I want to give the right impression.

On Friday, I had a heap of work to do and kept quiet and I find it easier this way. Today I came into the office and she's moved into another room from me. Apparently this is COVID related, however it's clear she's angry with me and talking to everyone other than me!

It's only a small office of 9 people, I know people understand what she's like but not doing anything about it.

The other thing which happened which I'm really quite upset about, is she said a racist word about the man who works at our local shop. You can guess the word...only issue is I'm half Asian myself and was speachless when we said it 😬

I don't know what to do, I'm in my probationary period and don't feel I can say anything. Plus if I did try already unstable work colleague is going to make my life even more of a nightmare.

Come January I'm looking for a new job, I'm just unsure what to do in the meantime? x

I wouldn’t let one colleague force you out of a job if you otherwise think you will be happy there and it suits you. Her moving office should make things easier for you, I would keep interactions with her professional but to a minimum and get to know some of your other colleagues.

Thanks, it suits me tbh. But I just don't like this situation 😬 hopefully with the tool move it'll get easier!

You never know, they might be training you up so they have someone to replace her with in the new year. She might fear this so thinks being mean to you will make you leave.

Smile politely, be professional, get your work done well, be friendly with everyone else, enjoy the silence of her not talking to you.

Assess in the new year.

Gosh, awful. The racist comments are vile.

Write everything down and keep a log of events.
It's a shame that you are stuck in this position but have a plan and start working on your CV now and a template for a cover letter.

I would love to say something to my manager and I think she'd be understanding. But I'm in my probationary period and don't want to come across as a moaner. I just want to do my job, which I'm doing and keeping my head down!

I'm certain what know what she's like. I think they feel sorry for her but no excuse for that sort of behaviour.

Do not letcanyone push you out of your bread winning OP. It is a blessing that she has moved to other office. Is your manager arranging your training? Or is it finalised? Keep profesional. Talk friendly to the rest. And enjoy the fruits of your labour.
Ignore her as much as you can.
Regarding racist comments, that you must tell to your manager. No need for official grievances. I would not raise it officially for once. But needs to be reported and thst is a horrible way to behave.

Yes report the racist comments in an email so there’s a paper trail. And be glad she’s fucked off to another room!

Let her get on with being a dick. You stay focused on you.

Thanks everyone 🙏

I work full time and support my child on my own with no financial help, so I really need this job. But I think I'd prefer to find something else maybe in the new year, due to what is happening but would also allow me to work from home.

For me this is a stepping stone to better things 😊

Thanks lovely people, I felt a bit alone this morning and you have all made me feel so much better x

I disagree with the posters saying to stay.
Life is too short for that shite and you will never win against someone with the manager in their pocket.

Start looking for a new job. Try keep your head down in the mean time. But dont kiss any asses either. Don't waste energy trying to win her over, she's vile. And she has already taken a dislike to you.

Just get out without getting fired so you can stick it on your cv.

Wanderlust that's what I think too. Life is too short, I want to be happy at work 😊

I have a busy life outside of work being a full time mum, so work is a place I need to be relaxed in.

If they have a HR department, I think it would be reasonable to inform them of the racist comment made to you. Then I here is some evidence.

It wasn't made directly to me, it was just a comment about the man who runs our local shop. But it still is racist and offensive towards me even if it wasn't directed to me.

I agree with pp. keep your head down, do your work, go home! Good luck for 2021, hope you find a much nicer working environment.
Your colleague sounds obnoxious!

Thanks, it's ok I'll find something new in the new year. When I leave I'll speak to HR and my manager, but only if I guarantee getting a reference. Actually maybe it's better not to stay anything when I leave, I just want a reference 😫

Nah don't get involved in all that.
If need be, if she repeats it then calmly 'please don't use that word around me', then walk away. Ideally when there are witnesses.

But right now she is blanking you right? Excellent. Let her think she is winning. Bide your time and get out as soon as you can.

Her kind want a war. Don't give it to them.

Do not stay in such a toxic work environment.

References do not state all that much these days so would not put too much store by these. Its basically x worked here from x date to x date.

ACAS has information on references:-

www.acas.org.uk/providing-a-job-reference/what-employers-can-say-in-a-reference

Unless it's a specialist role with a close knit network, don't worry about a reference - as Atilla said, reference requests usually just confirm dates of employment, job title, possibly number of sickness days and "would you re-employ, y/n?"

Unless you get sacked, it's highly unlikely anyone will ever say "no we wouldn't" because they'll open themselves up to legal action if they don't have written proof of why.

However if you're in a specialist skilled role it can be more difficult as a lot goes on with informal word of mouth, recommendations etc. In my former industry I could generally make one phone call or send one email and find someone who knew a job candidate.

Life's too short to work for or with unpleasant people. If life was fair, this racist ballsack would get sacked, but as she's pally with the boss and its a small company, that's unlikely. Bide your time but put all your energy into getting something else.

Chin up in the meantime, sorry you're having to deal with this vile sack of misery.

The company is actually huge. Sorry I haven't explained myself very well. It's part of a global company, but where I work is a smaller team which is local to where I live. So my boss reports to the head of the department and there is one large HR division. So technically I could go far with this. If I wanted. But I don't. If i said something I suspect the entire office would hate me and not worth it, so better to leave .

Can you believe this still happens?

I'm used to working in London, I never had issues working there. If you behaved like this you'd be out the next day. Harsh but I prefer that. With smaller towns they seem to get away with way more. So my aim is to work for a London corporation again but be able to work from home. I have my plan and hopefully will be out early next year 👍

Hi OP I would post this on the forum where you'll get more replies from people who are in the ethnic minority at work and know what racism feels like and don't just tell you to keep your head down. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/black_mumsnetters

I recommend that you email your manager about the incident cc her manager if needed, and look up the ACAS reference above. What a horrible situation. I hope the PP was right and she is going to be let go once you are trained! Best of luck finding something else.

Thanks Jobshare 🙏

She'll be finished training you soon and she sits in a different room, so hasn't the problem kind of solved itself? She'll still be a racist twat but you don't have to interact with her except when necessary for work.

Id stick with it, she’s moved away from you anyway. Sounds like the rest of the office find her a nightmare too. You get someone like this in every office it’s how you deal with them. No harm in looking for something else in the meantime though xx

@Wanderlusto

Nah don't get involved in all that. If need be, if she repeats it then calmly 'please don't use that word around me', then walk away. Ideally when there are witnesses.

But right now she is blanking you right? Excellent. Let her think she is winning. Bide your time and get out as soon as you can.

Her kind want a war. Don't give it to them.

Absolutely spot on!

Let your feet do the talking, but on your terms.

You must ALWAYS pull somebody up regarding racism. Doing nothing enables it.

Good luck!