Advice needed please

[Harrison08]

Morning, I’ve not posted in a long while. But I really need others experiences/thoughts/opinions.

I’ve been with my partner for 7 months, I’d been on my own with my 2 boys for 3 years, having gotten divorced to their dad.
He had affairs, I left him, for the sake of the boys I’m totally fine with him (no need to be nasty etc).
I actively include him in the day to day life of the boys, send a text or a photo, he lives an hour away and has them most weekends (2 out of 3 weekends).

My new partner thinks this isn’t “normal” and I need to cut the cord, he says I shouldn’t send him things that’s unnecessary, I’m a bit taken aback becuase it’s just something I’ve always done, I’ve told him I will be more mindful, but it’s never any cosy chats or anything like that. It will be a daily comment about how they are etc, or a photo.
What’s your thoughts, and please be blunt if necessary haha x

I think you're doing the right thing for you and your boys by communicating with their dad. If you were constantly on the phone to him then that'd be different but if it is all about the boys, what's the problem?

Had DP ever mention any trust issues? And does he have children of his own?

If it's working for you and the boys, I wouldn't change a thing. Keeping it amicable is great

He has two children who are older, 22 and 18. Mine are 5 and 12.
This is my argument too, it’s amicable.
His ex wife cheated on him, this was around 12 years ago.
He says I shouldn’t send photos, I send a photo every day, but will send a photo if they are doing something I think he would like to see.
He says he understands I need to for necessary things, but this feels like I will stop doing it to please him

You’re doing what you think is right for your DSes . Not sure why it’s any of your new DP’s business.

None of your new DP's business. He wants to lay down the law on how you co parent. Any more signs of controlling behaviour?

I'd be more inclined to look warily on the new partner. 7 months in and he wants to interfere with your amicable co-parenting arrangement that's been working?

Continue as you are and tell him to butt out. See how he reacts.

Who the hell is he to tell you how to manage your relationships with anyone? You have a amicable relationship with your ex and he should be happy for you about it. He sounds like a controlling twat and I would be binning him off before it gets worse, because it always gets worse.

I would be binning off this man of a mere 7 months. How dare he try and micro manage and otherwise interfere in an arrangement between you and your ex re the children. He probably tries to control you in other ways like how you parent your kids when they are with you.

Start saying no to him and see how he reacts. You will truly get the measure of the man.

Urgh. You know what you and the exh have years of co parenting to go. It sounds like you are doing your best to maintain a good relationship and good level of communication. You are doing a great job. I think the daily pics etc help the kids as there is less divide and the other parent can say oh I loved seeing you making a den the other day etc. My dds like it. Also as they have got older they ask me to send pics anyway.

I cannot be arsed with a partner who takes an interest in communication levels if they are amicable. My current dp seems totally indifferent it's very liberating.

My exh is an idiot who caused me untold grief but my kids only have once childhood!!

From what I’ve seen on here, this wants watching. It seems a Thing for boyfriends/partners to resent the existing children and try to criticise and manage the situation trying to drive a wedge between mum and children. It’s immature and insecure, based in jealousy, and these men aren’t reliable or often even kind life partners sadly. Tell him butt out. Don’t marry him or have a baby!! 7 months in he should still be prince charming.

If you're getting on well with ex there's no problem. Does he send you pics of anything they've been up to on his weekends? I'd hope he returns the favours of keeping you in touch with the children while they're with him. Seems a nice arrangement.

Please don't let a stranger (& at 7 months in he still is in the great scheme of things) upset the balance. You and your ex are doing the right thing by your children and I think it's lovely that you've worked through everything and are now at the point where you can healthily co parent. The boyfriend is the one massively in the wrong here. As a PP suggested, try saying no and see what happens.....

Completely agree with Attila, finding out how a new partner reacts when you say 'no' is a useful test of their character and I would definitely be using this situation as a gauge. He has no right to interfere with your working co parenting relationship and I would be questioning why he would want to, his response when you say no will tell you everything you need to know about this man and I suspect it won't be good. Sorry OP

Atilla is right.

The relationship you have fostered with your ex sounds great. Your boys will be thankful of it in the future. You are showing them a mature attitude, and also ensuring, their Dad, who lives a distance away, is a daily part of their lives. I'm presuming they are a part of this contact really, ie send a photo of me to Dad, and then he replies etc.

Your bf is being a tool.

@Aquamarine1029 and @AttilaTheMeerkat have spoken succinctly and perfectly on this situation