Erectile Dysfunction Corner - any advice, suggestions, reassurances welcome

[Wheelyyyy]

DP has erectile dysfunction and the sildenafil tablets give him terrible indigestion....so we've opted for trying ot do what we can without them.

So he can get an erection no problem but maintaining it during sex is the issue. However hand and mouth he maintains erection and can come. We've hit a rough patch and I just want to be close imtimately...as in he initiated things last night but immediately went for the marsturbating each other option....i was frustrated because i've felt so insecure about were we are at and just wanted to make love not marsturbating. He became soft when i manovered myself for sex. He wanted to mutual marsturbate but I felt gutted...he got frustrated and we ended up back to back. I normally would give him hugs, say stuff. After a year...I didnt want to be the person reassuring him again...just one night I wouldve loved him to reassure me because i dont understand why marsturbating works but sex doesnt.
Dont get me wrong we do have sex and sometimes he does come inside but most of the time he cant and we finish with oral, hand both ways.

I know this is sensitive for men....am i aloud to feel frustrated sometimes when I just want to feel close to him.

How do I make it ok for him and me. I should add because of the rough patch were going through, he's stopped opening up...so talking to him is difficult.

Any advice on how we make this better??

bumping

The obvious thing to do would be to try something other than sildenafil.

SeaMills I never considered there was soemthing different to sildenafil.....thats a definate way forward from my perspective

How do i broach the subject with him? Without putting my foot in it lol

Options include tadalafil and vardenafil.

Sorry, I cant help with how to broach the subject as it's not something I had to do.

My DH had an issue due to stress and sought help from his GP without any prompting from me. Incidentally, he wasn't keen on sildenafil either so got a private prescription for tadalafil.

The cheapest reputable supplier he has found is: www.menschem.co.uk/erectile-dysfunction/

Good luck!

Much appreciated SeaMills!

Man here, If he can maintain an erection normally under some circumstances then I question whether he is genuinely suffering from ED. From what you say this sounds to me more like performance anxiety - he is not confident that he can maintain an erection during PIV so he rejects you when you go for it. This can become a downward spiral - he gets nervous and depressed because he can't perform and the nervousness and depression further undermines his ability to do the necessary. Been there myself. More than once. But it can be dealt with surprisingly quickly I found.

The first thing you need to do is to stop being angry or critical in any way of his performance. And of course he needs to do the same to you. Criticising sexual prowess is deeply wounding to most people, I wouldn't never go further than saying that perhaps I found X a bit uncomfortable or that next time I would I like to try something different. And my DW is the same, she is always immensely reassuring and complimentary of my performance which of course massages my ego and stimulates desire.

And the other tactic that I would recommend is giving yourselves a break from all sexual contact and also refraining from masturbation until he is really horny and desperate, when a man gets to that stage his desire should overcome his nervousness. I'd get to that point in a week or so, he may take shorter or longer depending on the strength of his libido.

My other half has a similar problem - so far he's only tried sildenafil but also gets indigestion. I'll cook something light for dinner, nothing spicy, and he'll only have a glass of wine. He also drinks milk before bed. His problem is extreme performance anxiety from a previous relationship - I'd even go so far as to suspect that he's got PTSD over it. I don't put any pressure on him re penetrative sex (he does enough of that on his own) - we tend to see how things are in the morning, as testosterone levels tend to be higher and his erection is more reliable. I tend not to do anything like talk about how big or hard he is as the minute I do that he loses it. I just tell him that I'm happy with the way things are, and this is normal for us. We have a lot of intimacy in our relationship, I know that I'm not causing the problem, and I think the world of him.

Thank you for your responses.

Im taking on board everything said and suggested