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Relationships

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Original poster

Why would a man choose masturbation over sex?

58 replies

Howilliknow · 14/12/2020 14:37

Don't get it?
My DH and I have never had the best sex life (I've had a fantastic sex with previous partners) and he's always put it down to his low sex drive.

We went a long time without sex, before we both wanted it again a couple of months ago, we did it quite a few times, but I noticed he kept going limp which had never happened before.

He then told me he'd masturbated quite a lot and thought he had become desensitised. He told me he would stop masturbating.

It had now been about 3 weeks since we last had sex and I've just found a crunchy pair of boxers in the laundry basket covered in cum stains.

Clearly he prefers maturbation.
Why?

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 21:04

@Skyla2005

Maybe he doesnt fancy you ! Not meaning to be rude but that’s why a man would rather wank

Haha this really isn't true for the vast majority of people!

Dave35 · 14/12/2020 21:06

@Skyla2005 true that, only reason I can think off

Cam77 · 14/12/2020 21:56

@Skyla2005
Total nonsense. Men masturbate frequently as they generally want/need sex more frequently than their partners AND/OR they are knackered and can do a quick 5 minute self-session but not a 50 minute session which their female partner might need to be fulfilled. And the male physical compulsion is often not just something “that would be nice” but an extremely strong physical compulsion and if they don’t do it they can’t focus on daily tasks.

Skyla2005 · 14/12/2020 22:03

I guess it’s best to ask a man then ? I notice all the women are saying it’s nonsense I actually asked my husband that’s the reply he gave !

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2020 22:03

@Skyla2005

Maybe he doesnt fancy you ! Not meaning to be rude but that’s why a man would rather wank

Don’t be so ridiculous.

User775633244 · 14/12/2020 22:15

@Skyla2005

I guess it’s best to ask a man then ? I notice all the women are saying it’s nonsense I actually asked my husband that’s the reply he gave !

I think you and your husband sound well matched .

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 22:27

@Skyla2005

So your husband told you he never wanks?

Otherwise he's basically told you by his logic he's not attracted to you.

Skyla2005 · 14/12/2020 22:36

Don’t be daft. I read the post out to him. She explained that they had not had sex for 3 weeks and had made herself available to him but he had chosen to masturbate instead of having sex with her because that’s how the post came across. Of course all men masturbate but most will choose having sex with their wife over masturbating if they are sexually attracted to her. Like I said I dont want to be horrible or rude but it really isnt rocket science is it ?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 22:39

@Skyla2005

No, you said this:

Maybe he doesnt fancy you ! Not meaning to be rude but that’s why a man would rather wank

So based on what your own husband said to you, when he has a wank it's because he doesn't find you attractive.

Otherwise you're twisting what he says and making it mean one thing for you and one thing for others. Rather selective logic

Unlucky, nice try sticking the boot in though.

Anothernick · 14/12/2020 22:40

@Skyla2005

I guess it’s best to ask a man then ? I notice all the women are saying it’s nonsense I actually asked my husband that’s the reply he gave !

I think that's too simplistic, an LTR should not rely on teenage notions of what causes people to "fancy" someone. Sex in an LTR is based on many things, love, commitment, desire to please your DP, physical satisfaction for both of you, boosting your self-esteem, keeping the relationship healthy.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 22:40

Of course all men masturbate but most will choose having sex with their wife over masturbating if they are sexually attracted to her.

I'm sorry your husband sometimes chooses to wank because he's not sexually attracted to you.

Chimeraforce · 14/12/2020 22:41

So he doesn't impregnate.
So he doesn't have to interact.

User775633244 · 14/12/2020 22:42

@Skyla2005

If you didn't want to be horrible or rude, then you wouldn't have been. It's not something that was forced upon you. There are actually more than one reason to explain the OPs scenario, you chose to pick the one that would make the OP feel bad about herself, and the one scenario that lacked any sort of intelligent thought or insight.

Bence69 · 14/12/2020 22:42

Plain & simple because it bloody feels good 🤗

whatdoesthismeaneh · 14/12/2020 22:51

It means he has lost interest in you. Your relationship is basically over.

Source - personal experience.

FestiveChristmasLights · 14/12/2020 22:55

Does he know you have had a better sex life with all of your other partners and have you shown him what you want him to do?

Part from the selfish and quick enjoyment side of things, I would wonder if he felt lacking in confidence. Perhaps he is aware you aren’t enjoying it that much or he knows about past sexual experiences and that he isn’t comparable, and finds it really off putting.

GinTonicOnIt · 14/12/2020 23:23

@whatdoesthismeaneh i find it so sad that people like you have to try to bring down random strangers on the internet to try and make themselves feel powerful. What a sad little loser you must be.

Could be many things OP. Depression, tiredness, just being satisfied that way.

GinTonicOnIt · 14/12/2020 23:23

Sorry @whatdoesthismeaneh I tagged the wrong person

GinTonicOnIt · 14/12/2020 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FourPlatinumRings · 14/12/2020 23:39

@GinTonicOnIt didn't "Skyla and whatdoesthismean* basically say the same thing?

whatdoesthismeaneh · 14/12/2020 23:46

So man masturbates eg wants sex. Is offered sex by his significant other. He refuses offers of sex often enough that OP posts question on Mumsnet. Sign of a healthy relationship? I don't think so.

I have been there and I have done that so I know how it is. When you want sex and turn it down from someone you are supposed to be in a relationship with do you think that is a good sign?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/12/2020 23:51

@whatdoesthismeaneh

So man masturbates eg wants sex. Is offered sex by his significant other. He refuses offers of sex often enough that OP posts question on Mumsnet. Sign of a healthy relationship? I don't think so.

I have been there and I have done that so I know how it is. When you want sex and turn it down from someone you are supposed to be in a relationship with do you think that is a good sign?

That could be the case in any one specific incident, I took issue with @Skyla2005 saying that men would only wank if they don't find their partner attractive. Because thats bullshit that feeds into women being told they are responsible for men's behaviour. And because it's bullshit

sneakysnoopysniper · 15/12/2020 00:06

Dont know about a man but a woman would choose it because:-

You cant get pregnant

You cant get crabs or AIDS

No one makes the excuse of being too tired

Your doing it with the one you love most in all the world

Opentooffers · 15/12/2020 00:25

So, youve heard lots of reasons why men and women masturbate, but, your problem is that he doesn't want sex. That is a problem not necessarily linked to masturbation, as many men who have sex masturbate too.
The reasons he doesn't want sex can be many and complex, and very difficult to surmount. Whether it's worth standing by someone in this situation, depends on if they are willing to accept that their stance is untenable in a relationship, and will seek help to sort it out. If not, I feel what's the point in carrying on. Sex is shared intimacy, without intimacy, there is no purpose.

Veronika13 · 15/12/2020 00:25

People giving reasons that it’s easier etc.- thats OCCASIONALLY. If someone repeatedly chooses his hand over you and your body, then it’s because you ‘don’t do it for them sexually, sorry 😣 they don’t fancy you like that, don’t want to rip your clothes off.

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