Should I be annoyed with MOL?

[TS123]

We just moved to another city away from my in-laws. I had ds2 within 1 month of moving here and we've now been here only 2 months. You can imagine that life has been quite hectic. Add to that the fact that sister-in-law was married a few weeks ago and we travelled back to stay with the inlaws for a whole week. Now we've only been back for a couple of weeks and MOL announces she's coming to town. This is her second visit in the short time since we've lived away and we've just returned from seeing them for 1 week. Not to mention, she gives us less than one weeks' notice that she's coming. She "asks" my husband if she can come and then he announces this to me. I am completely at her mercy here. I don't seem to have any options. Even if she were to ask me if she could come I don't know if I could say no. I realize she wants to see her grandsons but really I need some time to settle in. She'll also be back fairly soon for ds1's second birthday party. How should I deal with this? I find myself disgruntled, seething and stressed out not to mention resentful of my husband.

will she be able to help you?
get DH to take time off work and entertain her as well

you could see it as a good thing

unless you moved to get away from your in-laws ...

You just need some time on your own to settle in, that is completely understandable. I would feel the same. Your dh should handle this imo. He should say firmly that it isn't really convenient, but that you both are looking forward to seeing MIL at ds's birthday.

Good Luck

I have recently had an epiphany about this subject. I told my dh that I would not be here the next time his parents came to stay and I would not be travelling to see them either.

After an initial kerfuffle, my dh called his parents and cancelled their visit as he had no intention of taking any time off and then he booked a flight for him and my sons to visit them in November. What a result. I get a little holiday all o myself and I don't have to see my in-laws.

The day that I realised that my in-laws were my dh's problem to deal with was the day my life changed. They are nothing. to. do. with. me. and yet I had stepped into this 'daughter' role that I hated.

Call your MIL and tell her that you are not ready for a visit yet and you wll see her at the birthday. Job done.

well said mildmannered

it is so hard though
I insist dh makes all the arrangements with MIL, that he speaks to her on the phone etc and it took me ages to accept her as part of my life
I did draw the line at calling her Mum though, I've got a mum, I don't need another one.

Yes, you may be part of DH's family now telling MIL it's not convenient for her to visit is best coming from DH, not you. It's important to stand together on issues like this. In fact, most if not all issues. Ask him to call her to cancel the visit if you're not ready.

Just because you marry someone, does not mean you have to deal with his family. You can opt out. I married my DH but I don't have to have anything to do with his family - they can be unpleasant difficult people.

I think it's silly to think you have to put up with stuff from in laws just because you married their son. I think people who say that have great in laws and don't understand those who have difficult ones.

Aramint

You truly are an inspiration!

Mildmannered and Twig you have no idea, you lucky sausages.

Wolves would have done a better job raising children.

Enjoy your inlaws if you can, shrug the responsibility for them off if you cannot.

I can't believe I forgot to mention the real part that bugs me. She brings her damn dog with her. The dog is loud and disruptive of my children's sleep and lately is becoming unpredictable and aggressive toward my children in his old age. She doesn't think twice about bringing him and my DH won't tell her not to. I believe it is his responsibility to deal with her but in this case I don't think he will. I may have to say something. The thing is, MIL sets things up so that we have no choice. She is seeing her parents who live in nearby city and she cannot leave dog alone for the whole week. Then she says she's just stopping in to see us on her way back home and hence - dog comes with. Leaving dog in a kennel is out of the question (dog gets "anxious" when left alone). So --- what now?

Is she related to MOG?

Tell her politely but firmly that the dog frightens your DC and is therefore not welcome in your house. You don't want to take risks with young children and an unpredictable dog.

Is the dog into porn?

Your dh needs a kick up the backside! It is NOT acceptable to have a dog who is unpredicable and noisy at night in the house! And you WAIT for an invite to someones house, not forgetting YOU HAVE JUST HAD A BABY! And yes I know 'she is the MIL and oh don't they just get a poor deal wait til your a mil and see how you like it' but even as a MIL I would have MANNERS and COURTESY towards the mother of any grandchildren!

Gorden Bennett, why don't you just wave the white flag now and invite her to LIVE with you, and her dog!

Get the DH told. His issue, you have more important things to deal with like a new baby.

I would say seeing her at your ds1 2nd birthday is a good compromise WITHOUT THE DOG, you need time to settle in and enjoy being a family in a new home, with new friends to make and life to live!

Now go on...text him now!

bf-ing while typing - tricky thing. long talk with dh and he agreed that dog is problem. i took middle ground and didn't make too much of fact that MIL visits when uninvited and too often. ytold him that while door was always openn to MIL, it was NOT open to dog, no matter how much this inconveniences MIL. figure if he addresses the whole dog thing with her, then - presto- automatic discouragement for her to visit too much -- and without me sounding like total witch. presently, no real nice place for her to sleep in new home either so maybe this visit will be quite short.

That'll do! Good thinking batwoman. Or should that be boobwoman? I did the typing while bfing...both elbows raised in the air and typing down onto keys from height...gets uncomfortable after a while...

I'm sorry I don't have any answers but am in a similar situation. I assume you do not enjoy her company at the best of times. So far I have been lying and saying we are busy all the time when actually I just want us to be alone. My sister suggested making a formal visiting schedule - and using your best bargaining skills to negotiate frequency of visits - and then stick to it. Bear in mind that no matter how often you see her, it will not be often enough. The worst thing is how my DP acts when she is around. He acts like he is six years old and she indulges him. Needless to say, I find this behaviour extremely unattractive. I have, however found an ally in my sister-in-law and find my time with my MIL so much more bearable when she is around. Would this be possible in your case?

Well, survived the visit. I don't mind her company but I do mind her dog. Dog was not barking during sleep time but did bark and charge at ds1 twice. MIL stayed 2 nights instead of the 1 night that dh told me she was staying. I made it clear to him that he had to say no more visits with dog in future AND he must OK the timing and length of visits with me in future. Would be hard to vent to sister-in-laws (I would think) given that she is their mother - so I don't do it!