The Silent Treatment - preferred weapon of the narcissist

[WiseOwlWan]

My parents have been giving me the silent trreatment since may when i told them to stop labelling me. My father projected all his low self esteem issues on me and ive carried these labels in the family narrative for 35+ years. At least.

Somebody bump the stately homes thread!!
After decades of not hearing me two main methods;

1. naught to sixty reverse martyr beast
2. the silent treatment

They have successfully managed to NOT HEAR me for decades. But they are angry i shouted at them recently.

Omg. You just have to give up. I have to give up

Our first relationship in life - the one with our parents sets our expectations of how to be treated by others and gives us a blueprint of what our role is in the social hierarchy. That’s why we can fall into familiar patterns and stay in settings for too long trying too hard with work, marriage, friendships etc. But once we know this we can shift gears. We can learn to “see” group dynamics and then choose to move on / disengage if it’s unpleasant without guilt or feeling we have to stay to fix it, tolerate it or endure it.

We can then look for new interactions which are warm, mutual and respectful and choose to seek out and nurture these relationships.

However I do think that once we know the score intellectually we need to evolve our emotional state with our actions. We need to look out and forward not back to them. Choosing to ruminate and preoccupy our minds with raging anger is seductive and easy to slip into but can also be a trap - one we set ourselves. By doing fun busy engaging stuff with other radiant people we are preoccupying our minds and bodies with nourishing, neutralising brain chemicals and flushing out the bitter toxins.

Yep - focus on the good

Yes, all along, every pattern ive recognised, every behavior ive identified finally on a rational / cognitive level, the emotional reset has lagged a couple of years behind. It follows but not immediately.

Yes i want to flourish and be properly content.