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Original poster

OH using reddit to look for porn and only fans

22 replies

Wantsadvice1978909 · 14/12/2020 06:27

So I recently saw that my OH has downloaded reddit, thought nothing of it until I saw some notifications of posts coming through, had a look and it seems that he’s made this SM purely to look at explicit images/only fans promotions. Well I’m shocked. A lot of these women from only fans have their links to subscribe etc so I had a look at OH bank statements and he’s paid £20-30 here and there to names I don’t recognise at all. I feel so creeped out. Normal porn I don’t really care but this feels very personal as you can actually chat with/ask for personalised content. What should I do?

OP posts:
EnPoinsettia · 14/12/2020 06:32

LTB
Flowers

SmallBalloonAnimals · 14/12/2020 06:41

Yup. LTB.

Razpoot · 14/12/2020 06:44

I personally dont agree. I dont stay with people who are like that. Disgusting in my opinion, like an online affair. Other people are fine with it but its not for me. Why should he spend money on girls he doesn't know when he could be spending that money for a lovely gift for you, a real life person? Its disrespectful. Hope you figure out what you wanna do, maybe you should chat with him, but thats my two cents on it all. I could go hours on why i dont like porn but ill save you that!

Original poster
Wantsadvice1978909 · 14/12/2020 07:07

Oh may I also add he’s done some rocket like thingys on some of the posts, which you have to pay credits for. So he’s paid £2 a time just to give these pictures a ‘reward’

OP posts:
UserMcNewName · 14/12/2020 12:40

Only fans is a double edged sword.
Due to the way it works there is far less
Likely to be exploitation as the vast vast majority of it is women setting up their own content on their own terms. However it is definitely a more intimate experience.

You need to talk to him first of all and decide if this is a dealbreaker for you.

Jennifer2r · 14/12/2020 17:56

Weird that you're ok with 'normal' porn but not women being paid for their work.

Jobsharenightmare · 14/12/2020 18:06

I wouldn't stay with someone who behaved like this OP.

Mintlegs · 14/12/2020 18:24

Get rid, your self esteem will nosedive. Man child, there is someone better out there for you

BloggersBlog · 14/12/2020 18:43

Porn is all disgusting imo, just because it is "personalised" why does that make it worse? Because it is coming out of your bank account to an actual person, rather than an anonymous person on screen?

hocuspocus1922 · 14/12/2020 18:50

I'd leave him what a slime ball 🤢 worse he will get with age

Pinkiii · 14/12/2020 18:53

I despise all porn, but most of all pay for stuff ones as it gets personal ( i believe onlyfans will accept certain requests for payments) and that for me crosses a major line! If you must do it why do you have to pay for it!? its disgusting.

The LTB crew are always quick to make such comments without any helpful advice, as if it’s easy to leave your life like that.

Have you spoken to your husband? Does he know how you feel? If he does and he still continues to use these services then maybe consider LTB if it really affects your life (self esteem etc)

BiscuitDrama · 14/12/2020 19:06

I think this is higher up on the unfaithful ladder. That’s what the OP means by being worse than porn. Not worse for the woman but worse in terms of their relationship.

Pechanga · 14/12/2020 19:22

I agree this is pretty high up on the unfaithful ladder - and would be a complete deal breaker for most woman.

Pechanga · 14/12/2020 19:24

...actually paying individual's for access to their photos is intimate and akin to prostitution in my books.

Skyla2005 · 14/12/2020 20:45

His a sleeve bag. Leave him he won’t change

Original poster
Wantsadvice1978909 · 15/12/2020 01:37

Just to clarify, when I say I’m ok with porn I don’t mean as a general rule. I mean in a relationship paying for personalised content etc is cheating.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wantsadvice1978909 · 15/12/2020 01:38

@BloggersBlog

Porn is all disgusting imo, just because it is "personalised" why does that make it worse? Because it is coming out of your bank account to an actual person, rather than an anonymous person on screen?
Obviously because it’s personalised, that money could be our kids. You can chat with these women (who are local btw I know of 4 people I went to school with who do it).
OP posts:
Original poster
Wantsadvice1978909 · 15/12/2020 01:39

@BiscuitDrama

I think this is higher up on the unfaithful ladder. That’s what the OP means by being worse than porn. Not worse for the woman but worse in terms of their relationship.
Exactly this.
OP posts:
Original poster
Wantsadvice1978909 · 15/12/2020 01:41

@Jennifer2r

Weird that you're ok with 'normal' porn but not women being paid for their work.
By normal porn I mean famous pornstars that aren’t trafficked etc. Not a woman from down the road who knows who he is and will give personalised content with my children’s money.
OP posts:
HeyDW96 · 17/12/2020 10:20

I had an ex that did this, I left him. If he is willing to pay for personalised content and to speak to women then it's likely he's willing to do much more, I know my partner did. It really messed with my self esteem and I struggled for a long time, I'm sorry you're going through this. x

MizMoonshine · 17/12/2020 10:32

I was using Reddit for a time to look at adult content. I was sure that these people weren't coerced into it and so found it more morally acceptable.

It wasn't until my DP raised the concerns about it being a platform in which you can interact that I decided to stop. I wasn't planning to interact or to cross any lines but the ability to made him uncomfortable so I stopped.

Your partner has already crossed the lines of interaction and then to a greater extent spending money on it.

On one hand, paying for porn is not terrible. Before the internet made it so accessable, people would buy movies and magazines.

But as you said, it's free and readily available everywhere there's no need to take family money for it.

You need to have a conversation. Before hand, decide where your line is. Decide what you want to get from the conversation and what you're willing to put up with.

Address him, hear him out, stick to your guns and move on from this in whichever way you need to.

Redflaggs · 17/12/2020 21:59

@Wantsadvice1978909 I understand you don't like it, and that's your choice and something you need to communicate with your dp.
But:
I would strongly suggest you don't tell him about him using your dc's money. This is joint income - right, which means he is allowed to have money to do things he likes as well. ( pub, golf I don't know what but do get what I'm saying)

The idea that he can jerk off to free porn ( which is highly dangerous for most women involved) makes it seem that it's the money you have an issue with, he could easily just go on other site such as fab and beg women to send pic for free.

Also as much as you know women that do this, he probably isn't speaking to anyone that is close by, but if he does move to other site he could.

I would advise you make a list of your concerns and then clearly address it with him.

The thing is these men know full well they aren't going to shag the girl on OF, but the idea that he is seeking a connection somewhere else is concerning.

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