relate, has it worked for you

[TLV]

I've already started an earlier thread as dh has walked out on me and dd after some horrible arguments, I'm trying and at the moment unsuccessfully to get him to go to relate with me, has anyone got any similar experiences whereby dh/dp didn't want to go but eventually did (i know i can't force him) but I think for both our sakes whether we split permanently or reconcile it will do us some good, sorry for harping on too

bump

I completely agree with your thinking, no matter what happens for the sake of your dd he should go to relate. Even if you do split permanently they can help with the practicalities of it all (family mediation etc) So much easier if everyone can be as ok with the situation as possible.

Obviously every case is different but my sister and her dh have recently gone through a similar thing (he left) and relate has really helped them.

So sorry you are having such a difficult time.

Hi TLV, We have used Relate but our circumstances were reversed I refused to go -I totally lost he plot. They really helped it was neutral ground and you could be open without worrying about what was going to happen. Worth a try. Whatever happens you need to look after yourself and be strong for your little one. Chin up - IT WILL GET BETTER X

thanx I think some small part of me is hoping if i can get him to go he may realise what he's losing but I also need to accept that this is permanent now

when I asked him about divorce he said he'd not thought that far ahead and yesterday he was still wearing his wedding ring

How are YOU TLV?

Hope your ok.

he may well go in time - but without knowing why he left i cannot comment.

Is there someone else? - my h had an affair and i wanted to 'give it a go' and try couselling. he went at first but carried on the affair. he did eventually realise what he was going to lose and only then did he start to 'come back' to us.

All i would say is start to work on you anyway and make yourself the best you can. i did not 'lower' myself to his level and hard as it was tried to keep my dignity. it is only now that he says that it helped him to see his errors and want me back.

We still go to counselling and yes it does help and you owe it to yourselves to go if only to say you did everything possible.

Good luck

well he's here now taking a shower! i have a relate appt this afternoon by myself. Dh asked if it was ok to take a shower and to do some washing (i just don't get it) he also broke down in tears too and blamed it on the fact he was at work in the middle of the night and was tired, he's been tired before and never cried! I don't think he's comfortable with the decision he's made but I'm not going to say anything to him as its up to him to figure out.

good for you - you can always keep the door open for him though. Why not let him know that and tell him that you are willing to work on it. if he does not want to thats up to him but at least it will be his descission and not yours (this will also not give him anything to 'accuse' you of later)

Hope it all goes well and you find some peace.

just thought too that the crying and letting you see and know how unhappy he is may well be to get you take some of the responsibily for it - and the blaming work suggests that he is not ready to accept that it is his own making.