Would I be unreasonable if I just left?

[Needsadvice197]

Long story short my partner has once again disrespected me, he’s cheated in the past which I had forgiven but I’ve seen he’s been paying for cam sites etc and it’s honestly just disgusting. He’s very manipulative, and is extremely selfish. He won’t leave this house as we are both on the mortgage and right now we rely on him financially. We have 3 dcs. I am just so unhappy and I know I need to leave but I can’t see him accepting this. I’ve applied for some help off the council towards deposits etc. Could I just up and leave? He can be quite nasty, he called me an ugly bitch yesterday because he stayed out all night the night before and I just couldn’t act like everything was ok. Any advice on how to go about this would help massively. I don’t love him anymore, I just want to get out.

I should also add that I’ve very nearly left in the past and he was saying how he was going to kill himself etc. I no longer feel responsible for him or feel guilty about wanting a better life for us

Phone woman’s aid, get ducks in a row hugs don’t let him ruin another Christmas,

What would you do about the mortgage?

YANBUat all. Get your ducks ina row, get women aid on the case and get out of there. Give your DC the best Xmas ever away from a controlling narcissistic idiot.

@HollowTalk

What would you do about the mortgage?

I figured I’d sort that out once I’m actually out.

He's very manipulative and selfish.

That's more gh reason to leave a relationship on it's own. You deserve much better.

You sound like you have already started to get yourself out of there. You will need to find somewhere to go to, do you have a relative who could stand as guarantor for you on a private tenancy? Possibly make an appointment with the benefits office to get an understanding of all the information you would need for a claim for universal credit. Possibly see if you can speak to Women's Aid to see if they can give you advice on the safest way to leave depending upon how abusive he has been before. Make sure all your important papers are safely away from the house before you do anything (passports, birth certificates, latest bank statements and utility bills). If you haven't already got one set up your own bank account online so you have somewhere for money to go to.

Paperwork! It sounds like thinks will go bad pretty quick. If you think that very important paperwork with all the information you need will still be in the drawer after you've left, think again.

There's oodles of help and support out there, but when you find all the letters and documents you need have gone, it can just get very complicated.

I'm very sorry, but now you probably need to do this sooner than later, but as much as you can, try to sort Christmas and d/c.