So I live with my exdp, I ended it in July and have kept communication to a minimum, tried to disengage and live my life separate to him.
We joint own our home and have a 10 yo DC.
All finances are separate, I no longer cook for him or do his washing.
I'm currently stuck in the house as I'm being treated for breast cancer. Which is going horrendously!!
I just wanted to talk with people who understand my feelings about all this.
I'm miserable, he is being all love and lightness, offering to help, which I turn down usually.
He still acts like we are together despite saying he understands we are over.
He genuinely believes we can live like this forever, co parenting under the same roof.
My problem is I'm so scared to leave when I'm better, he will cause such a scene it will hurt DC, he will make it hard and manipulate and make himself the victim. He often reminds me that he's suicidal.
I feel so guilty for breaking our family up and making that move despite all of the horrible things he's said and done over the years.
He can't be too harsh with me at the moment so takes his stress out more on DC. He can say some quite cutting mean things, which Dc gets upset about.
I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of it, and whilst they are only words, I will do anything to avoid his harsh words and the way he says things.
He has lied about a so called porn addiction, I think he was cheating because some condoms went missing from my drawers and lots of other suspect behaviours.
He admits to fucking up and lying but it was only over something so stupid 
this went on for over a year, a long time to be sneaking about with your phone and going out almost every night to your 'mates' house.
I have been manipulated and gaslit. Called thick and a fantasist for accusing him of cheating. This is the point I ended it with him.
He refuses to let me leave and will not leave as this is his childhood home that I regret buying with him.
So why, why do I feel so in the wrong for wanting to leave? For ignoring (grey rocking) him and disengaging. Why do I feel like I'm being so unreasonable?
I understand his niceness and lovely moods are manipulative because I know what he's like deep down, very miserable and doesn't like women.
But why do I feel so weak and pathetic about the whole thing? Like I'm the one creating this mess when he betrayed my trust and lied for so long.
Sorry I know it's long but I feel like I'm going insane having to be near him in my own home.
I have spoken to Women's Aid who pointed me to rights of women, but I feel so ill at the moment I don't have the head space.
I just want to be happy and I don't think it will ever happen because I had a child with an overbearing man-child.