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Original poster

Boyfriends ex

26 replies

PrincessP1234 · 13/12/2020 17:04

Do you think it’s right for a current boyfriend to bring up their ex a lot in conversation? For example you are having a conversation about something and then he responds by bring up himself and his ex.

OP posts:
hadesinahalfahell · 13/12/2020 17:06

No. It's fucking annoying, and a deal breaker for me.

Iloveme30 · 13/12/2020 17:12

How long are they finished

Original poster
PrincessP1234 · 13/12/2020 17:17

He told me they broke last December

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessP1234 · 13/12/2020 17:18

*broke up sorry

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Aquamarine1029 · 13/12/2020 17:19

Occasionally, it can be warranted, but regularly, there's a problem. It would signal to me that he isn't over her. Don't be his rebound.

KatherineJaneway · 13/12/2020 17:36

No. Either means they are still hung up on them or they never had a life without them.

Original poster
PrincessP1234 · 13/12/2020 17:36

@Aquamarine1029 that’s what I am worried about, being a rebound.

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Iloveme30 · 13/12/2020 17:44

But last December was a whole 12 months ago , now to be fair it probably dragged on longer than that usually a split isn't just sudden and final . Have you spoke to him and asked him to stop mentioning her?

Teddy1258 · 13/12/2020 17:54

I think very occasionally is ok and in a matter-of-fact way. 'Yeah, I went to France with my ex once.'
However reminiscing often seems odd.

HiyaCathyy · 13/12/2020 17:55

It’s going to come up sometimes but remember you’re not his therapist and it’s not fun to hear about exes all the time, makes you think they’re on their mind a lot which doesn’t foster the most romantic feelings.

Teddy1258 · 13/12/2020 17:55

What does he say about her ?
My boyfriend told me 'funny moments' with his ex from several years ago hmm.

Wanderlusto · 13/12/2020 17:56

No. Unless it is relevant to the convo.

It can be an indicator of narcissistic triangulation (them comparing you to/playing you off against another person) starting.

Pull him up on it. If it continues he isnt a keeper.

yellowcatss · 13/12/2020 18:05

a lot of the time its a problem obviously sometimes its okay like if your talking about a certain place and he happened to go their with his ex

Needsadvice197 · 13/12/2020 18:09

It definitely depends on the context. I think a very odd occasional mention if it’s something like PP said something like ‘I went to France with an ex’ is ok if you’re on that subject, whereas if they start bringing them up every opportunity about something quite random that’s definitely a problem. Do you have any examples of what he’s said? And do they have DCs?

Original poster
PrincessP1234 · 13/12/2020 18:13

We were having a conversation about birth control (the pill) and smoking, I said this isn’t something that I am going to do. Then he responds by saying my ex was on the pill and she smoked and she was fine. His ex didn’t need to be mentioned.
There are other scenarios aswell when he brings up his ex.
I asked him why he brings her up, he said he didn’t realise and was apologetic but again he brought up something else about his ex after this conversation.

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Teddy1258 · 13/12/2020 18:14

Is it one particular ex or exes in general ?
If it were a particular one over others I would be worried, if it were the latter, i'd either think it's clumsy/thoughtless or it's something some guys do because they are insecure.

Original poster
PrincessP1234 · 13/12/2020 18:19

It is one particular ex

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BlindMedusa · 13/12/2020 18:19

No its super annoying. There's no need to bring up an ex when they are not relevant to conversation. If the shoe was on the other foot he wouldn't like it op

Teddy1258 · 13/12/2020 18:20

I'm not sure, it's hard. When he talks of her, is it in a matter of fact way or does he seem sad/angry/nostalgic ?
Do you know if he has had any contact with her since ?

DimeBarLady · 13/12/2020 18:32

I think it depends how long they were together. If it was a decade or so then it’s hard to mention anything that you’ve done/ anywhere you’ve been without it being related to the ex somehow. I think pretending someone wasn’t there or deliberately not mentioning who it was you were with when X anecdote happened is weirder than just occasionally mentioning them.

Teddy1258 · 13/12/2020 18:42

Yeah, definitely. Think it depends on how you say it too. Just occasionally stating facts is fine.

HiyaCathyy · 13/12/2020 18:44

Some people are just a bit clunky with these things but yeah it gets annoying.

Onacleardayyoucansee · 13/12/2020 18:49

It's just not the done thing is it?
Seems (at least) a bit thick, and at most, could be a tactic to destabilise/triangulate you.

slipperywhensparticus · 13/12/2020 18:54

Yeah my ex still does this after 6 years apart his ex fiance thought it was weird but then she thought we had massive issues i spoke to her after the split I laughed so hard at the lies he told just to create dramatic talking points

Original poster
PrincessP1234 · 13/12/2020 19:01

He was with her for about 2 years and I don’t know if they are still in contact

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