Feeling down after starting to reconnect with family members

[Joeypotter1]

A long story but my parents fell out with my dad's sister when I was a child and this resulted in little to then no contact with my auntie or cousins for the next 20 plus years. I was always quite sad about this and over the years, I've tried to make contact with them. Anyway, last week, I finally found them through Facebook and after lots of messages I'm really hoping that we will eventually meet up when things are possible. Anyway, when I reconnected with them I could obviously see who their other facebook friends - my dad's other sisters family who we also have little contact with. I sent friend requests to them and again was estastic when they accepted too. I started to imagine reunions in my head (probably without my parents though) but since then I've been quite down. Every time someone posts something, each side of the family, comments. It's obvious that there's a strong bond which is understandable but when I finally posted something no one commented from my family. I know it sounds silly and I've only posted once but it felt a bit like a rejection. It wasn't until I connected with them did I realise how much I wanted them to be part of my life. Anyway part of me wishes, I'd never tried to reconnect with them as I then wouldn't have to see their love for each other played out on front of me but then, if I hadn't then I'll never get to see what happens. Any advice? Sorry for long post. Just wanted to get it off my chest really.

Any advice about family relationships?

Relationships and relationship history takes time to build. Just having a connection by blood means actually very little as many people will testify. Their friends are much more important relationships.

You may build a relationship with these people in time. (You may decide they are not for you and withdraw.) You are expecting too much for now and then conflating it to feel rejected.

You’ve built it up in your head as something quite magical, instinctive and natural when as many of us come to realise even if you have regular contact, relatives can be like strangers because you didn’t choose them...they don’t like the same things as you, they don’t think the same etc.

Friends are far better IMO as they ‘get you’ and you actually choose to be with them.

Don’t build a message of rejection into what is just normal relationships. I’m sure it isn’t intended.

Thanks for replying. It's been a really weird week. You're right - I did build up this magical reunion. I've never had a big family and when I got in touch that was what I'd hoped for especially as my cousins have children around a similar age to my daughter and I thought we could be a part of a family again but yes, it's way too early to think about that or even hope that will happen. You're also right that I've got friends who I've spent a lifetime too with instead. Thanks again for listening.