Are you stuck in your relationship?

[Ilovewatermelon]

I've been with my partner 5 years and we have a two year old. We rent and I'm currently a stay at home mum.

My partner has always earned a half decent wage but has been off for the past three months due to covid and other reasons, some his fault. I can't say we've ever had an amazing relationship tbh but the passion has definetly gone on my side. I blame being busy mainly and I guess when he was working he couldn't get used to the fact that I could just chill with him from 6pm. Life changed for me when I had my son but his didn't so much and it's definetly drawn a gap especially as our son doesn't go to sleep till 10pm sometimes and I'm just too tired.

I guess he resents me for our situation and I resent him for not helping. He's now turned to drinking everyday, blaming me for lack of affection, and recently has been going out all night round mate's houses and rocking up at 6am! I find his behavior disgraceful for so many obvious reasons. It's soo immature (we're 31) and I can't stand him right now. Arguing doesn't get me anywhere and just leaves me more stressed and no good to anyone and I dont want my son seing it. We don't communicate (his problem mainly) and whenever he's been 'sorry' in the past he's just done it again. My main problem is I feel financially dependant as even if I went back to work full time I'd struggle as a single mum with other outgoings I have plus childcare and finding somewhere to live as well as the idea of not seing my son as much, so it keeps me trapped.

I just wondered if anyone else felt stuck be it financially, becuase of kids etc..

You feel stuck because you are. I really feel its a mistake being a SAHM because whilst it may be lovely you are trapped, particularly if you’re not married. Much better to work part-time and share childcare costs, after all child has 2 parents childcare enables the father to work too.

In your situation, have you family you could go and live with until you get on your feet? If not I’d try to get a job asap and find a way of getting some money behind you so you can end the relationship. Why is he not working?

I think you're only trapped if you want out of the relationship. When you're happy you don't feel trapped.

Do you want out of the relationship? Or do you want to try to make things work?

You are never "stuck" in a relationship. There are always ways to leave, some are just more difficult than others. I think people use being "stuck" as an excuse because it's easier than the alternative, but easier doesn't always mean better.

I left my ex husband when I was a SAHM and DS was 10 months old so yes, it is possible. I did go on benefits for a while. You get pretty much most of your childcare paid for if you want to get back to work. Yes, it's difficult spending less time with your children when you share custody but for me it was better than staying in that relationship.

I don't believe anyone is stuck in a relationship, sure it can be difficult to leave a partner but it isn't impossible. stop making excuses if you aren't happy change the situation.
I was with my ex husband for many years he was physically and sexually abusive and controlled every aspect of my life including my finances, I still managed to leave him and build my own life, one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Tbh you would probably be better off money wise being single,
Help with rent, benefits, child maintenance, nursery fees paid if you found a job, and a bit of time to yourself while dc sees his father 😊

Thanks for all your replies, I'm happy-ish when he's normal but the problem is he rarely is these past few months! He stopped working due to covid and took out a business loan but has spent most of it already, including a large chunk on getting off his face! He returned to work at the end of last week and is due to go in tomorrow but I haven't seen him all night again! I don't think he is a cheat (too off his face to know how!) but I do know he's taking drugs when he goes out all night. I definetly want out, I think I only 'love' him becuase he's what I'm used to and I'm making excuses for him becuse it's been a tough year and lockdown but he has given me no support mentally and I do believe it would be easier to be on my own.

As others have posted, I would like to get a job and some independence back as well as actually looking forward to some child free time occasionally. I am in a situation with my own finances though as when I left my job when I was pregnant my credit got in a state, plus a dog will make it hard to rent so I am going to have to wait until I can sort something out to get away from this, living with family isn't an option and the council won't help me as I'd be making myself homeless. I don't want to go down the route of reporting him for drugs etc as wouldn't want the social services involved, he's no risk to his son just a complete loser!

They would help you as you have a child
And you can take the dog into a council property x

@Christmasobsessed

Unfortunately they would only put me in emergency housing where I'm from if I can prove I didn't make myself homeless but I wouldn't be able to take my dog and worried i'll be somewhere grotty. It is a hard one thinking about what life would be like and my dog is a nervous breed that wouldn't be easy to rehome. I know long term I'd be better off, will just have to grin and bear it for a bit perhaps.