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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worried about cousin

3 replies

espagna · 12/12/2020 23:52

I'm a bit worried about my male cousin in his 20s and not sure if I sure forget about it or not. He's staying with myself and my middle aged mother for a month until the New Year when he goes back to the U.S.

He's on the autistic spectrum but is overall very intelligent and socially aware to an extent. He falls a bit when it comes to conversations with people. He doesn't seem to know the boundaries. We have a WhatsApp between family members and he's asked my mother some very personal sexual questions about problems he'd been having since he's an only child a few months ago. My mother put up some boundaries and that seemed to resolve the situation.

But recently we had a few drinks of wine and we got to the topic of having too much to drink at the pub/nightclub. He then went into detail about how a man he read online got caught after drugging his girlfriend and having drunk sex with her for years because she came across the video recordings he made by change. He seemed to pity him and say that he'd have gotten away with it by going into detail about the drugs that would render someone completely unconscious.

Now I know 90% that he'd never do anything but the other 10% of me thinks that me and my mother might be at risk. As I said, he's very smart (gets best grades in college) and knows the ins and outs of science/medicine/physics/computers etc.. His mom told me that they he once faked his secondary school transcripts in order to spare them the shame of a bad grade.

OP posts:
Penguinmuma · 13/12/2020 01:34

Oh gosh 😳 10% or even 1% unsure I'd be super careful.

Fair enough some people are smart enough to know about different drugs & what they can do, & some people will have conversations like the one you both had, it really all depends on how well you know that person. For example if my hubby had said something like that I would just think he'd seen it in a film or read about it somewhere, I 100% trust him. Whereas if someone else I don't trust said it then alarm bells would be going off.

If you are worried & think he could do something then make sure you & your mum only eat & drink stuff you have prepared & is in front of your eyes the whole time. Even then I'd be worried he put something in the container or on the unprepared food in the fridge, cupboards etc. Think I would just eat sealed food while he's there & tap water. I'd scrub my toothbrush etc b4 brushing too. I'm super paranoid about things like this.

You should ask him to stay somewhere else if you feel unsafe with him there. You can't undo sexual abuse or rape, once it's done it haunts you forever.

Of you have a bad feeling about go with what your gut is telling you as it's always better to be safe then sorry. As I said before it really all depends on how well you know him & trust him.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/12/2020 01:38

He sounds like a total creep. Why you didn't confront him when he was talking about drugging and raping women is beyond me. How could you just sit there and allow him to talk like that in your home?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/12/2020 11:50

@Aquamarine1029

He sounds like a total creep. Why you didn't confront him when he was talking about drugging and raping women is beyond me. How could you just sit there and allow him to talk like that in your home?
This! He wouldn't be anywhere near my mum if I could possibly help it, even his talking would make me uncomfortable.
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