Relationship ending.....again.

[Slayerofmyth]

I've been in a relationship with a much younger man for almost a year. He's 27 and I'm 51. It's been tenuous to say the least, he's avoidant and he ended things about 4 months ago because he got overwhelmed and shut down. After about 6 weeks he realised his life was better with me in it and we got back together. Things have been really good, until a few weeks ago when he stopped talking to me quite as much and he cancelled our weekend together (we only see each other at weekends). I started to get the feeling he was shutting down again so I asked him what was going on. He said nothing, that he was tired, poorly etc but was a bit arsey and defensive. I tried to explain that this was the pattern of what happened last time, which was actually extremely traumatic for me as we worked together and had to see each other everyday. I was absolutely heartbroken, lost a lot of weight and was very depressed. He knows what the situation was like for me and he admitted the issues were with him and he was sorry. As I said things were going great but I was getting the feeling he was shutting me out. We've argued about it, which has resulted in him ignoring me for 4 days. I told him I have no intention of going through this again and have ended things, wished him well and told him I'd never forget him. I blocked him on social media, mostly so I can heal and move on. He has now also blocked me and I just feel so lost. I know we had no future but I loved him, and now it just hurts so much. I should know how to deal with this pain, I've been here before but I can't and I'm scared, please help.

In the kindest possible way, if you try and date a man young enough to be your son, don't be surprised if he behaves childishly.

What did either of you see in the other? I'd frankly be embarrassed if my work colleagues saw me acting like this.

Sorry you are going through this. Especially at this time of year. It always feels worse. If you can connect as possible with friends that you can trust. I think you have done the right thing to protect yourself from more heart ache in the long run xx

I'm sorry . Better to end it this way than drag it out.

Well we obviously saw something in each other, I don't look 51 and we had lots of things in common. We don't work together anymore, I left and got another job.

He may be young op but I wouldnt waste my time on him even if he had a golden cock. He clearly thinks he can dick you about and you'll just forgive him.

If you found one bit of hot young tottie, you can find another. Though be aware that they might not take things as seriously as you do (aka: might just want to mess you about, like this jerk).

What is it that you are scared of op? Do you normally find it tough to be single?

I tried to explain that this was the pattern of what happened last time, which was actually extremely traumatic for me as we worked together and had to see each other everyday. I was absolutely heartbroken, lost a lot of weight and was very depressed.

OP a relationship of less than a year ending should not have this effect on you - it's incredibly drastic and I do feel from his point of view that he may well have got back with you because he felt guilty after you reacted so drastically last time.

It probably scared him and because he likes you he felt awful. But that doesn't mean it was right to get back together.

You do need to take accountability for the fact that this was vanishingly unlikely to work due to being colleagues with such a sizeable age gap, but you went in with your eyes open and took the chance. Cut him and you both some slack - you tried, it didn't work but if you're feeling unwell over it then some counselling and support is probably a good idea.

Sorry OP I know it's shit when it doesn't work out the way we wanted

I'm sorry you're in pain.

Wanderlusto, no I don't have any issue being single, I just don't meet many men I actually like. We had a very nice, loving relationship, the age gap always bothered me a lot more than it bothered him. He's really not like most other people, that was part of the attraction. I guess I'm just very very sad....and feel stupid for letting him back into my life.

Sorry you are in pain. You know it will pass, just got to get through the icky bit. Over time you might be able to take away the memories of having a great time, however short, with a lovely young man in his 20s. Good for you and it must have been a wonderful experience. There are women who it works out for with the age gap so you might get lucky with another lovely young man. When I did OLD I remember being inundated with young 20 something men who preferred the older woman so they are out there waiting for you. Good luck.

It was, I got to be just me, not mum, not any other responsibilities, just me. I know he's angry at me for blocking him but I know it's the only way for me to move on.