I don't know what to do.

[Pebbledashery]

My daughter has contact session with her father this weekend. My car has broken down. I can't get it fixed till Monday now. Its going to take over 5 hours on a train or will cost me in excess of £180 in taxis.. Neither of which I can afford because he doesn't contribute financially towards his daughter. What do I do. I don't know what to do. I don't want to breach the court order but I'm literally going to pass out with the stress working out how to get there. Nobody can take me.. And they can't come here to pick up DD as we live in an undisclosed location.. Exes and also his solicitor are complete bullies and said if I miss contact for any reason they will apply for penal notices. I'm scared. I don't know how to do.

Could you hire a car, or give a friend £50 to drive you there?

Here’s the message:

1. my car has broken down and is being fixed by a mechanic on Monday ( insert evidence)
2. I have researched public transport but the costs are prohibitive £180 ( insert evidence)
3. I am unable to afford public transport given that your client / Mr “ Dickhead” pays no maintenance for his child.
4. I can ensure attendance at a different location which would be more accessible / affordable
5. Alternatively I will re-arrange the contact session for a mutually beneficial date following the repair of the car.

How could any court argue with that ?

I do think you could arrange for the SW to collect her from a neutral location - He / she doesn’t have to collect from the house but I appreciate why you don’t want that.

Can you hire a car? Might be cheaper than public transport?

I was going to offer contact at my parents address but it's equally as far. I'm dammed either way it seems. I moved really far to get as far away as possible from him. Now it's me suffering as I have to take her all the way there. I'm not prepared to meet him half way either as I can't risk him knowing where I could be near. It's too much of a risk.

Looked into hire cars and they cost the same as a taxi would. I think my only options are either a taxi or to cancel and rearrange an alternative date :( he'll apply for enforcement though. I know he will.

You can't go and you have good evidence to show why.

Tell him you can't go.

Tell the contact centre - they will report on attendance.

Tell them both why. Don't give costs of public transport because it could give clues to where you live. Just say it wasn't possible.

Offer alternative dates.

On Monday tell Cafcass.

Don't worry. Don't stress. This happens. Absolutely don't allow 'his' social workers to pick your DD up (who the hell can hire SW like this? Looks well dodgy). Relax. Don't panic. Tell the truth and enjoy your day with your daughter

My solicitor has just advised the best thing to do is either offer an alternative date or pay for the taxi and keep the receipts and it'll be raised at the next hearing the lengths I went to facilitate contact. I'm being called obstructive and being told I'm alienating him..this has to happen this weekend :-( honestly feel like I'm going to pass out

Any court ruling factors in life.

If your car has broken down once or twice that's fine. Every weekend they would look at it differently.

Send him an email or communication that you have a copy of too and explain your car is broken down and offer to arrange an alternate date when your car is fixed.

You're being reasonable and still letting him know he can see his child just not this weekend.

Take a step back and think what you'd say to a friend in the same situation. He's got a hold of you mentally and you are unable to think.

This is why you're amazing staying away from him and not letting him back in your life.

I would not be paying a taxi .
Let him apply for enforcement- it won’t be granted because u will have evidence to show the lack of contact was not your fault .
I’ve been threatened with enforcement numerous times over the years but it’s never been granted .
It’s a fine or community service - but I don’t know anyone who has ever had it .

@Fidgety31 did your ex partner ever enforce the court order? I read that the courts rarely punish the parent whose breached the order because it means that's the resident parent and the child will be the one affected the most. I've got to deal with the social worker if I can't go tomorrow.. And they are just as much bullies as him and his solicitor. I tried to stop the contact after the second session as he was waiting outside the venue for me and stalking me but the social worker bullied me into going and accused me of not being child focused.

Beware if you do go down the taxi route that it will have some ID on the car that he might be able to work out your location from.

Can you not get a train as close as you can then a taxi

@ABCDay getting the taxi to drop me off away from the place. I'll walk the rest.

@Highlights12 no I've checked the timetable for trains on Sunday. It's one every hour and even then are reliable. Plus it costs pretty much the same for the train ticket then it does the taxi fare.

Don’t go!! You can only apply to enforce a court order if somebody is breaching it without ‘reasonable excuse’. Your car is knackered. You have proof. Don’t throw all that money away on a taxi. Your solicitor can raise it in court but you’ll never get in back in reality. These things happen.

Could you go to a bearish but cheaper location? Eg a nearby town that's 20 quid on train awa and meet at train station so public for him to collect dd and then pick up can be at the same place.
That ws he won't know where you live and you've done best to comply reasonably.
If he refuses that then you've done very thing reasonable within your power to comply.

The social worker has actually rung me. Its a different one from last week.. She's actually saying I have a very valid reason for not going and if they apply for enforcement she'll support me.. But she said she's also worried that his solicitor has been threatening me so said if there is a way I can go then to try but said to let her know before leaving.

Surely your solicitor would stand up and defend you in court over this? It's outrageous. You are being bullied both by your ex and by his solicitor. Surely there are standards that solicitors have to abide by? Even the social worker is accepting that you're being threatened by a solicitor.

Do you really have to do this every weekend?

@HollowTalk in a nutshell. Yes. The judge ordered this contact on the basis that my exes solicitor prepared the court bundle and purposely left out all my evidence and information.. He filed the bundle at the latest minute.. My solicitor prepared a separate bundle but the judge didn't receive it apparently. Cafcass have said the contact isn't safe because of the pd12j section 25-27 in that any interim orders have to be safe and this isn't safe at all. Having a conversation on Monday with my solicitor. Its going to be raised at the next hearing how they have been bullying towards us. But until we get back in front of a judge I have to keep going otherwise I'm breaching the court order.
I've been an anxious mess since this contact was ordered. I've lost a stone in 2 weeks. I can't sleep or eat properly and it's affecting my every day life as I constantly live in fear. But apparently my safety isn't important.

I might be wrong here and I’m not going to search posts but I recollect you posting before about ways to avoid the contact. If you are developing a pattern, no matter how justified giving your fears, then it might be time to listen to your solicitor not MN. He or she knows the case, the courts and has the expertise to guide you.

Ps if you are that person you becoming fairly identifiable if he (or anyone connected) cared to look for you on here.

I really hope the next time you are in front of the Judge you & DC are free of your abuser

I am flabbergasted that YOU are being ordered to do such a vast amount of traveling. I understand you don't want him to know where you are, but THAT far?!?!
It is always down to the non resident parent to do the majority of the traveling. I don't understand why a contact centre say, 45-90 mins away wouldn't be suitable?

@LemonTT

I might be wrong here and I’m not going to search posts but I recollect you posting before about ways to avoid the contact. If you are developing a pattern, no matter how justified giving your fears, then it might be time to listen to your solicitor not MN. He or she knows the case, the courts and has the expertise to guide you.

Ps if you are that person you becoming fairly identifiable if he (or anyone connected) cared to look for you on here.

I was going to say the same thing..... It does come across that you're doing everything you can to avoid contact. I'm in no way condoning his actions btw, which are abhorrent.

@ILoveFlumps no. Not the case. I've made every single contact session. I've abided by the Court order and some. It's him repeatedly breaching the Court order.. He's making himself present at pick up and drop off when he shouldn't be.
If I was doing everything I could to avoid contact I just wouldn't go. Believe me. But I've stuck to every contact session. Gone out of my way and more. He can't come anywhere near us because he's so violent and abusive and he has repeatedly stalked and harassed me and would continue to do so if he found out where I lived. I'm not willing to take any kind of risks. And for those saying I'm doing all I can to avoid contact.. That's simply because I am not safe. At all. The bottom line is I'm still going and I haven't breached the order.

@MrsRockAndRoll not likely if its the same judge from the first hearing. He was horrific :(