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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to get over my stupid crush

9 replies

MindTalks · 12/12/2020 09:06

Hi all,

I’ll try keep this brief but I’ve got a ridiculous crush that I’m struggling to get over.... it’s my smallest sons teacher 🙈

I changed my smallest ones school in June to a fab village school, it’s fantastic and it’s great there. He moved up to the next year group and settled well. I noticed a few weeks into September his teacher was holding him back to the end of the line, was very smiley towards me and was asking my weekends etc. I thought he was being nice to help settle us in, as to be honest I was trying to do the school runs as quick as possible due to not really knowing any of the parents still.
I made of point of trying to be more social to all, including teacher. Well we made eye contact, he gave me this big goofy smile and I realised I’m in trouble.

Each week I start the week well, trying not to make eye contact, trying to get out of there quickly. But we always end up locking eyes and I swear I feel sexual tension.

It’s got worse now as my oldest is isolating, so teacher is bringing smallest to my car. I try to get out quickly but he lingers to chat.

He’s very nervous around me a lot of the time, my mums asked what I’ve done to him to make him nervous, now I’m worried he knows somehow and I’ve put him on edge, or made him uncomfortable? It’s a fantastic school, I don’t want to to mess it up at all for my smallest.

Teacher is married (I’ve noticed his ring but he’s never mentioned his wife to me, just his kids)
I’m married but it’s not in a great spot, maybe it’s escapism?

I feel like a horrible person, I’m so conflicted with myself. I’m not that kind of person at all to go after a married man, nor would I try anything. But I just can’t get him out my head.

But I’m really struggling, it’s not like I can cut contact? I’ve got no one else to do the school runs apart from me. I try to just keep my head down like I said, but when we make eye contact and he smiles at me I’m doomed again.

OP posts:
twolip · 12/12/2020 09:43

So your child's teacher smiles at you and you think theres sexual tension?

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2020 09:47

Do you think he’s nervous because he knows you fancy him?

The bottom line is it’s hard for us to tell op, he might fancy you or it might be in your head there have been so many threads on here from folks who thought their crush fancied them then were devastated to find out they were just being nice.

Either way you need to address your marriage issues.

MindTalks · 12/12/2020 09:51

@twolip

So your child's teacher smiles at you and you think theres sexual tension?
Haha no, I’m not that dense. It’s the more recent situations when now alone.
OP posts:
MindTalks · 12/12/2020 09:54

@Bluntness100

Do you think he’s nervous because he knows you fancy him?

The bottom line is it’s hard for us to tell op, he might fancy you or it might be in your head there have been so many threads on here from folks who thought their crush fancied them then were devastated to find out they were just being nice.

Either way you need to address your marriage issues.

I just really don’t want to create any awkwardness for my youngest, it’s a great school, I’m annoyed at myself that this has happened.

Yes I agree, I’ve been making efforts and suggestions but unfortunately husband likes to stick his head in the sand. I’m trying to pin point what’s caused this, so I can try iron out those kinks so to say.

OP posts:
Frownette · 12/12/2020 10:17

It'll pass. It's easy to get a crush when things are wrong in your relationship.

Try talking to him about his family and keeping busy when you start daydreaming about him. Also tell husband he needs to engage more as you feel like you've grown apart.

Bluntness100 · 12/12/2020 12:00

Then you need to tell your husband you’re unhappy. Because you are. And complete the conversation when he understands and you’ve both got a plan on how to address it. Fantasising about some other bloke who is nice to you isn’t going to solve the issue

davekim · 12/12/2020 21:02

Don't tell your husband! It's a silly crush, nothing more. My goodness, I think everyone with a pulse is susceptible to those. Absolutely no reason to rock the boat, esp if your marriage is going through a bad patch.

Op, just stay as professional as possible.

FWIW, I am a teacher, (married over 20 years) and I greet all of my students and their parents every day and often ask how their weekend was, how they are etc. Have a few cheesy jokes saved up, that sort of thing.
I am being friendly as we are part of a community. I would be horrified if someone thought I was flirting. But I know I am more outgoing than the other teachers when they are on their door duty.
Just smile and don't do anything that might be interpreted in an unhealthy way. It will fade soon enough.

AramintaLee · 12/12/2020 21:12

It probably is escapism. The grass always looks greener when you're not satisfied in your relationship. Better to focus on improving that than agonising over a fantasy. Just remind yourself that he probably greets all Mum's the same way... just due to the circumstances (eldest isolating and him bringing your smallest to the car) you feel you're getting special treatment when in reality, he would probably do the exact same thing to anyone in the same situation.

Just imagine him farting or sat on the loo or something. Anything to burst the fantasy.

karenlovesherkidsxx · 12/12/2020 21:43

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