Why am I like this...

[Anxiouspiggie]

I have been seeing someone for 5ish months now. He is such a lovely man and gives me no reason to be like this but I'm so scared that he is going to dump me! I overthink every text I send or things he texts or things that happen when we are together. I worry that I have done something wrong or annoyed him.

Despite having made plans for next week, it will be 6 days now till I see him and I worry he will change his mind about me in that time. Just yesterday he mentioned about us doing something next year when things get back to normal re COVID. So it seems he sees a future with me, at least for a while. But still I have these anxieties.

I also worry that something bad has happened to him all the time! He has to drive long distances to get to work often so if I notice he hasn't been active online or in touch I really really worry something bad has happened to him.

What is wrong with me? I can't imagine this is normal behaviour. I think I need some sort of help?!

Have you had a bad break up before or some kind of betrayal? Are you anxious in general?

Anxious attachment style I think
Google it

I was with my ex for a long time and he was my first serious relationship really. I ended the relationship with him and other little things with men before him were not more than a few months I guess and that was when I was young. I'm 37 now.

I'm quite shy but don't really get anxious about other things generally.

I have googled anxious attachment before and it fits me well. Still don't understand how to fix it though.

Would you be willing to explore it in counselling? It sounds like it could be life changing to work through this, so you could enjoy things in the moment without panicking about potential unlikely scenarios. CBT could be helpful for you.

Not necessarily anything wrong with you, you have emotions and scared of losing someone you really want to stay with, worrying about him, shows how much you care for him. perhaps you got dumped in the past and it plays on mind it might happen again?
The fact that he is making future plans with you is a really positive sign and it's only been 5 months you're still getting to know and trust him. Sometimes these anxieties can get a little too much because you are focusing on him too much, take a little step back in your mind over it.

There is no control over someone leaving you or having an accident, trust that they can do the best to look after themselves and be the best version of yourself so they are not likely to leave because of anything you've done.

Aggghhhh......I know this feeling all too well.....it just runs your mind constantly, doesn't let up and you end up feeling out of control and a complete basket case. I remember this all too well and feel for you. It happened to me after a very nasty break up many years ago. I am normally very confident and not insecure but I fell apart when I met a nice man. I did exactly what you are doing. It drove me insane. I ended up having hypnotherapy to calm my mind. I was so convinced he was going to leave me like the other one did it took over my thought processes. Because of this I acted in a weird way and over the top....looking back I cant believe how I was and how I felt. It was just that (for me at the time) I just wasn't ready and in the right head space to be in a relationship. I did have anxious attachment then, but you don't have to have it all the time. I am completely different now in my relationship, I am stable in mind and actions and so is he. Your new beau sounds lovely and is looking into the future with you. You now have to try and get to grips with calming your mind and just letting go of all these scary thoughts and concentrate on happiness and him. Easier said than done.