Cooling off a friendship

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

I had been friends with XX for years but it got to the point the I ended the friendship courteously because I felt that the friendship was bad for me. Details may be outing so I would rather not specify the reasons. I appreciate that this may sound childish, but I felt that the most straightforward way to deal with the situation was to say that the friendship had fizzled.

Some months later she contacted me to say that her and her H were splitting up. I spent time with her again and it turned out to be a messy and horrible situation - allegations of DV (both of them), arrests (both of them), shouting lots, kids distressed etc. It seems to me she needed help of sorts.

I don't want to continue the friendship. I have done the delaying replying to texts thing, I have answered questions without opening to door to more engagement, but now I am stuck. She is toxic to me and I feel drained after being with her. Social services and other specialists are involved so I am not leaving her in the lurch without support.

Do I just ignore the requests to meet up? Do I go the direct route again? Do I take the gentler way and delay constantly till she gets the message?

I wish I had taken taken the bait when she first contacted me again.

She was furious and indignant.

So you know how she will respond. You weathered it last time but you don’t need to this time - just drop her a text and block.

When you say she was furious and indignant what did she actually say and do?

When you say her partner has accused her of DV, has she hit him or been abusive in other ways or do you suspect it is mainly him being abusive and gaslighting?

What mental health problems is she being treated for and is she on medication and is this a longstanding thing?
Did she actually call you fat?

Has she changed over the years?
Do you have mutual friends?

@thisisallaboutyouorme

When you say she was furious and indignant what did she actually say and do?

When you say her partner has accused her of DV, has she hit him or been abusive in other ways or do you suspect it is mainly him being abusive and gaslighting?

What mental health problems is she being treated for and is she on medication and is this a longstanding thing?
Did she actually call you fat?

Has she changed over the years?
Do you have mutual friends?

I don't know what ops friend did but my friend who sounds similar would have put something on Facebook that went like

'FUMING!! Some mate you are, blah blah blah'

baubles did you tell your friend that the friendship had fizzled out?

@thisisallaboutyouorme

baubles did you tell your friend that the friendship had fizzled out?

No but I've seen this friend of mine spout off at others on fb. I stay out of it tbh and managed to cut ties by ghosting

I appreciate that I'm being vague with details, but any specific information I give would be outing. Her closest friends have distanced themselves, and mutual friends are shocked at her behaviour. She has certainly changed over the years.

I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to be dragged into the mire any further. I think that she contacted me again because her other friends have withdrawn from the situation, too.

The friendship is not good for me so I need to withdraw.