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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I right to be pissed off with MIL?

9 replies

Needsadvice197 · 11/12/2020 06:16

Basically my OH was made redundant and has had to switch to a job which is considerably less money. I am on maternity leave (which I am having to cut short). We are struggling at the moment, we’ve burnt through our savings paying for rent, bills etc and can’t afford to pay our car insurance payment this month. I need this to drive our ds to school as it’s over an hours walk away - which I’d happily do but I have to take our other 2 dcs with me. OH works 5 days a week and starts at 7:30.

Long story short MIL has been bragging for the past few months about inheritance she’s due which is a lot of money - think well over £200,000. We’ve never asked for money before but my OH has often paid bill’s for her in the past, gave her money for holidays etc. Well OH Recently asked her if we could borrow some money until I am back at work (around 3 months time) to pay for car insurance etc. Well she’s point blank said no - she hasn’t got the money through etc (but OH brother who lives with her suggests otherwise, she’s also had her whole house kitted out and was up bragging a couple of months ago about her very expensive jewellery) . Well OH feels completely embarrassed and is generally getting quite depressed. We would never ask for money other than to borrow for a couple of months to help us get back on our feet.

OP posts:
toomuchfaster · 11/12/2020 06:22

I would be very hurt. Sure it's her money to do with as she wishes, but it's an odd parent who would see her children struggle when she has the means to help them. It would definitely affect my relationship with her.

Needsadvice197 · 11/12/2020 06:26

@toomuchfaster

I would be very hurt. Sure it's her money to do with as she wishes, but it's an odd parent who would see her children struggle when she has the means to help them. It would definitely affect my relationship with her.
I completely agree it’s her money and of course she can do whatever she wants with it. She knows that we would pay her back as soon as we could, it has definitely affected my relationship with her as we were quite close before but since having this money she’s definitely changed.

She’s also became a lot more selfish, she came up unexpectedly the other day as OH wasn’t answering her which was fine but later that day I had to ring her as she’d left her scarf and she answered and said I’m just doing a covid test as I had symptoms a couple of days ago! She didn’t tell me or OH this!

OP posts:
custardbear · 11/12/2020 06:34

Yea, hurtful. My ILs have tonnes of money too, and just watch us and their other child struggle regularly with no support. Recently we had a crunch situation where they did help out which were very grateful for, but some people are like that I'm afraid.
I've got other friends whose parents help them out regularly and say 'can't take it with me and helping you is just avoiding so much inheritance tax at a later date - I'll be like that with my kids, help out and all try to spare as little money worry as possible
Good luck with everything OP

Needsadvice197 · 11/12/2020 06:38

@custardbear

Yea, hurtful. My ILs have tonnes of money too, and just watch us and their other child struggle regularly with no support. Recently we had a crunch situation where they did help out which were very grateful for, but some people are like that I'm afraid. I've got other friends whose parents help them out regularly and say 'can't take it with me and helping you is just avoiding so much inheritance tax at a later date - I'll be like that with my kids, help out and all try to spare as little money worry as possible Good luck with everything OP
I just feel like we’ve been pushed aside. We’ve helped her a lot, my OH definitely put her on a pedestal, not so much now though. She’s been drinking quite a lot too, expensive drinks at that. Honestly we didn’t expect to be given any money (even though it was OH nan that died) and we didn’t expect to be in this situation!
OP posts:
MessAllOver · 11/12/2020 06:46

I'm sorry to hear about your situation Flowers. It may be that she actually doesn't have the money since she's spent it on house renovations and jewellery (and hasn't received the inheritance yet) but I can see why you are hurt. I would be, too. Sounds like you are a low priority for her.

Needsadvice197 · 11/12/2020 06:52

@MessAllOver

I'm sorry to hear about your situation Flowers. It may be that she actually doesn't have the money since she's spent it on house renovations and jewellery (and hasn't received the inheritance yet) but I can see why you are hurt. I would be, too. Sounds like you are a low priority for her.
I think that’s what it is, we were very close at one point. I agree she may not have had the full inheritance yet. I just don’t appreciate her showing us all of her new stuff when we have barley enough money to pay our bills :(
OP posts:
Needsadvice197 · 11/12/2020 06:58

Oh may I add that she could possibly be waiting for inheritance but the family recently sold OH nans home which went for a lot of money. Her siblings had agreed to give her all the money as she’s the only one with no career etc

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 11/12/2020 07:01

I’d be upset too especially when the car insurance is needed for DCs school run so it’s them she’s putting at disadvantage

slipperywhensparticus · 11/12/2020 07:03

Are you getting all your entitled to? There is the 10 a day thread on here that can help you and the frugal ones

As for mil time to disengage your clearly not a priority to her so why should she be yours

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