How can I distance myself from my friend without causing a rucous?

[Spaceman]

I would like to hear back from anyone who has an opinion over the situation I find myself currently in.

I have a friend who is a nice girl and hasn't done anything wrong intentionally, but I don't feel as if I have anything in common with her.

I've known her years and we share the same social circle; her DH went to school with mine and we have the same network of friends. Trouble is, I find her really high maintenance: She wants to meet up with me regularly, (we're both fairly new mums) and spends all her time just visiting friends all day as she doesn't work. She's the most sociable person I know as she's always up for staying at one another's houses and meeting up but it does my head in because I don't find her company at all stimulating. Even though we're in our 30's, she reminds me of someone in her 20's.

I also have a problem with her from the past. She has always been on at me over the years that she wants to form a closer bond with me out of all the other girls in the group and soI asked her to be DS's godmother in order to extend a hand of friendship to her. I thought that would help reassure her a bit as I'm not a very 'best friendy' person, but when it came to the christening of her DD she asked two of our other friends to be godmothers instead: the glamorous ones with the money!!! I felt very burt and angry about this and still do. Athough I suppose I've had a lucky escape as I don't really want to be tied to her (I was tyring to be too nice I think) I still think that was a very insensitive thing to do.

Now I just want to forge some stronger relationships with the other girls in the group and distance myself from her.

She's been on holiday for three weeks and has just come back. The last few weeks have been great and I've had the chance to see some other girls in the group, who I find more interesting. I want this to carry on, but I can't risk offending her by avoiding her as we've the wider social network to consider and she'll always be there when we go out etc..

Can anyone advise me on how to best deal with this situation?

just be nice and friendly, but also talk to your new friends.

Just don't meet her by yourself either. Always make sure there's someone else from the group too. That way she can't suppose that you're bosom buddies.

Sounds like she wants to be best friends with everyone hence the asking of others to be her kid's godparents.

Hi Warthog,

Thanks for your message.

I'm in fear of speaking to my other friends about it because most of them know her pretty well and she is popular among the group.

Hi Willywonka,

You got it in one. She makes a full time job out of being friends with everyone and I think she finds it a challenge to become bosom buddies with everyone.

I say if you're a friend to everyone, you're a friend to no-one.

I like your advice about ensuring people are always around too. That could work.

I have had a similar situation. My advice would be to arrange meet-ups with a few people including her. That way you are not leaving her out or picking her out as someone who gets your undivided attention. Then when she wants to meet alone just be busy. I definately wouldnt say anything to anyone else it may set off all sorts of trouble and could come back to bite you (I have been there and worn the t-shirt). This girl is part of a larger group so anything that is said about her by you could either get back to her and probably not how you mesnt it or create tensions. Group politics!
Sounds to me like she is looing for a close friend because she is insecure. You can rise above that

Thanks Micegg,

That's a really helpful message. Sometimes I think it's me who is in the wrong because I just don't want to spend as much time with friends as she does, but I think she's the unusual one here!

I will try to see her as part of a group situation as you suggest, the only drawback being when she's there the conversations all seem to come down to her level, and revolve around clothes, hair and make-up! I suppose it's a small price to pay, and saves me getting it all one-on-one.

Don't assume she's popular within the group either. Bet there are others who feel the same way as you. But whatever you do, don't badmouth her to any mutual friends.