Anyone left their marriage while pregnant?

[overitandout]

I'm pregnant with baby no2. Obviously things aren't great and I want to leave. No affairs etc, just horrible attitude and don't love him anymore.

Has anyone separated or gone through a divorce while pregnant? I'm finding it daunting that I'll have a newborn and a toddler to cope with alone, on top of financial stress, new homes etc. Is it possible? Am I being crazy to make this huge decision now?

I don't have a job but I do have enough money saved to tide me over until I can work again.

Have you anywhere to go?

That's incredibly brave of you. I have known people split up when they were pregnant but it's been their partner who left. I dont think I would have had the courage. Hope everything turns out right.

Do it. There will never be an easy time and it might only get harder.

Tell everyone that loves you and go for it.

Thanks for the support.

I've told my parents and sister. They all seem to think that I shouldn't make any decisions while I'm pregnant and just "see how things go" and decide after. They also worry about the impact on the kids.

I worry about that too, but really... surely them seeing an unhappy marriage is worse??

For the poster asking if there's anywhere I could go (sorry don't know how to tag) - yes there is.

I think if you really feel that unhappy and are sure you don’t love him any more then do it. If you have a place to go and have money to live on. It will be tough as a single parent but you may not be getting that much help and support from your H anyway. Good luck x

who owns the house?

think practical.

can he leave?

My daughter when she was 8 months pregnant with 2 small toddlers as well. He was vile. She said she wanted to leave so he literally threw them all out into the street. Was a horrible time. 3 years on she has a house, job and a truly lovely partner and is so much happier. You will be too although initially it may be hard. I hope you have family/support and i wish you lots of luck x

I think if you’ve got somewhere to go and savings then go for it. I think you’re very brave. If you go, make sure he does his fair share of childcare

How did you feel before the pregnancy? I think this is a decision that should be made in a very measured way. Were you unhappy enough to leave then? If you have been unhappy for a while then the pregnancy shouldn't make you stay, as long as it's not a temporary unhappiness due to the circumstances and stress of pregnancy.

We don't own our house. He could leave or I could leave. It's very straightforward from that point of view. The divorce would be easy.

Childcare would be an issue as he is a very hands on and good dad. He would want the kids with him. I obviously want them with me. It's more practical for them to be with me as I don't work.

If things were bad before you were pregnant and you felt the same way then, then I'd leave now.

If this is a new thing since being pregnant, I'd consider it could potentially be hormone related and see how you get on.

You don't work now. You likely will need to after you've split up. Think very, very carefully.

I'm not working for various reasons at the moment. I usually work. I have enough savings to get by without working for a standard maternity leave and would expect to go back to work then anyway, regardless of if I was with him or not.

I get what the posters are saying about it being hormonal. It partly could be. But I also know it's not normal to put up with someone being so horrible to me so often. I'm so tired of it. His behaviour isn't new. I think being pregnant has opened my eyes to it. I'm too tired to busy myself with other things and ignore it. And I'm too emotional to let it wash over me.

I feel like I should have noticed a long time ago and don't know why I didn't.

If he's being horrible to you then definitely leave. You don't need this stress, so sorry OP.

Didn't mean to be patronising or minimise it by saying it could be hormonal, I wasn't aware he was being nasty to you x

That's ok, I didn't read it as minimising at all. It's good to have a reality check and appreciate the advice. My family also worry it's hormonal.

They think his behaviour is due to stress etc and may change but at this point I just feel done.

I left my first marriage briefly when I was 7months pregnant with a toddler. I ended up going back for the children as I wondered whether it was due to the hormones (although the problems had been there long before then). Just over a year later I ended up leaving for good, I wish I hadn't of gone back in the first place.

It was scary and difficult but also relieving too and the best decision I ever made.

Go with your gut

@overitandout

That's ok, I didn't read it as minimising at all. It's good to have a reality check and appreciate the advice. My family also worry it's hormonal.

They think his behaviour is due to stress etc and may change but at this point I just feel done.

I think you are really brave and IMO leaving now is wise because once you have little one, it will be too tempting to stay with him for ease due to being exhausted but in the long run that will damage your self esteem more and also create extra resentment that will make coparenting harder when you split up eventually. If you can split now, I think it's a brave and sensible decision.

It sounds like you are very realistic about the situation. How do you think he will react?

What kind of behaviour are we taking about here? Is he abusive? Or just an unpleasant dickhead to be around?

If he's a hands-on dad as you say then I would wait. I don't think you're being hormonal. I too wanted to leave when my DD2 was a newborn but I held off. Two DC can be a shock to the system and I think if he's good with them you might benefit from having him around in the early months. It will also mean he'll develop a bond with the new baby so you won't be as nervous handing over the baby for access when you do leave.

It can be such a stressful time balancing the needs of a newborn and toddler - I would wait until you're not in such a vulnerable position before adding an extra layer of stress/worry to your life.

Of course if he's abusive then staying will be even more stressful so in that situation I'd advise to leave ASAP, but otherwise I'd stick it out until you're ready to return to work and leave from a position of strength.

A very hard situation to be in

@Badwill thanks for the advice.

I wouldn't say abusive, no. I would say rude, unpleasant to be around and generally bad tempered.

He is a good dad so I understand your advice. I just think when we throw a newborn into this situation it will get worse. Lack of sleep can't be good when things are already so tense. I really don't want my toddler to see us argue.

I do worry about access though as we are both extremely close to our toddler. He would want kids living with him full time and I would want the same. I wouldn't deal with them being away from me very well.