Am I going to be alone forever?

[peachgreen]

My beloved, wonderful DH died suddenly 6 weeks ago. I am utterly bereft without him. I'm trying desperately to keep going for our 2.5 year old but it's very hard.

One of the ways I'm trying to keep going is by thinking that I might one day meet someone else. They could never replace my husband but perhaps I could be happy in another way - and I know that's what he would want for me.

But the reality is, I'm 36, I won't be ready to date for x number of years so will be closer to 40, I'm overweight, I'm a widow who will always be in love with her late husband and I have a young child. Who on earth is going to want to date me? And I'm not just doing myself down - I have good qualities, I'm a great partner and I think I'm good company but none of that is visible on first viewing and that's how people judge these days, isn't it?

So I can't help thinking I'm going to be on my own forever. And that scares me so much.

I don't even really know why I'm posting here. I can't talk to anyone about it because it feels so wrong to even be thinking about this so soon after losing my husband. But I'm just so desperate to see a tiny glimmer of hope for happiness in the future. But realistically, is there one?

I'm so so sorry for your loss love. I honestly don't think you should be worrying about this just now. But if it makes you feel better 40 isn't old at all. My great auntie got married again last year at 78. And if you don't meet anyone that's okay too. Sorry I don't have great advice to give but please take care of yourself

Please don't worry. It will certainly be possible to meet someone when you are ready.

I was widowed in my late 30s with two small children, after 18 good years with my late DH. I was happy staying single and concentrating on the children for quite a few years (I am a very independent person) and have never actively tried looking for a man through online dating etc, but I happened to meet a new partner in my mid 40s. We were together for nearly five years; he wanted to get married, but I realised I didn't, so we eventually split up. I am now in my early 50s with young adult children and have a new partner, who I met by chance through friends.

I know several other widowed people, with and without children, who have married again - some very quickly (less than two years), some many years later. One in my extended family was widowed very young with two small children, met and married a new man within a couple of years, and went on to have several more children.

Have you joined any support groups like Widowed And Young? You will find many people in the same position as you who can provide hope and support.

Thank you both. I have joined Widowed and Young and am finding it helpful. I think I'm just at the point now where it's starting to sink in that he's really not coming back and I'm so frightened of living my whole life alone. I loved loving him and being his wife, it was really the most important thing to me, and right now I'm struggling to see how I could find any happiness without that. Plus I'm finding solo parenting hugely challenging. But I know my desire to meet someone else is coming from an unhealthy place right now, I'm just so desperate to have Mike back.

I am so sad to hear your story.
I would be happy to chat.

Pm me if you like. C

Of course there is hope. You sound like an amazing person and there are literally thousands of men out there who would fall over themselves for wanting to be with you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound lovely and your DC is lucky to have you. There are plenty of men out there, you never know. For now, it's all very raw, don't get two steps ahead of yourself

I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree with others that your loss will be very raw for a while and it might be better to focus on yourself and your DD. The dating world is brutal and could add to your hurt. If it’s any consolation, my aunt remarried twice (to different people!) in her fifties and is blissfully happy.

Really sorry for your loss.

You'll meet someone in time I'm sure...you're still young. Don't rush into anything and wait until you meet someone deserving of you.

My husband died when our kids were 4 and 6. I met him when I was 39. I have not been with anyone else since, but to be honest it was at least two years before I even thought about it.

@Pipandmum I know it's awful that I'm even thinking about it. I'm just so frightened of being alone. I wish I was stronger.

Lots of people remarry after bereavement, OP. You will find your way in life again.

It's only been six weeks, of course, parenting and everything is going to seem hard and huge now. Just take it day by day. I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's not awful that you are thinking about it - your life has suddenly been turned upside down and you are wondering what your future might look like, as it is not the one you expected. Thinking about all the possibilities, and trying to find some hint or hope of future normality and happiness is perfectly natural. It would just be way too soon to start doing anything about it, but it doesn't sound to me at all as if you are contemplating that yet.

God no @exexpat. At this point I can't imagine ever being even attracted to anyone else, let alone actually loving them. In all the time I was with Mike I had absolutely no interest in any other man whatsoever. He was just everything to me.