Ex Boyfriend being very persistent

[Dobbyhasnomaster]

So we properly broke up two months ago, only just over a year of being together. First couple of months he was lovely but then had some problems in his personal life and turned into a different person and having public meltdowns involving sobbing, shouting, kicking things, hitting himself. Initially I tried to support him as he was clearly having some mental health issues, but he kept trying to cause fights between us and bring me into lots of his problems. I tried to end it on a number of occasions and everytime he would threaten to kill himself, have a massive meltdown (I had to call the police to his house for welfare checks a couple of times) and the whole thing was incredibly stressful for me too. Finally properly ended it a couple of months ago and he’s tried to contact me a few times since which I’ve ignored. Received another text asking to meet up which I replied to along the lines of please stop contacting me, and then was just inundated with messages full of love bombing for hours on end. Had to keep blocking him on different platforms as he kept finding different ways to contact me and accuse me of not caring about him and he knows I still love him and some really over the top stuff to try and get a response. He didn’t threaten me or anything but I feel really shaken up and a bit scared. I don’t know what to do and I’m now super on edge. Just after some advice whether there’s anything else I should do, I just want to be able to move on with my life 😔

I would say that's a matter for the police

Not sure I'd go to the police yet, but I'd certainly be telling him that you will be reporting him if he doesn't stop contacting you.

Yes, this is harassment and his behaviour is appalling.

Please contact the police and report him. They can give him a warning or can take it further, depending on how you feel.

Do not let him carry on like this without further intervention.

Make sure you have blocked him on everything. Do not respond. Keep all emails/messages in case you do decide to pursue it with the police. Time will heal the wounds on both sides- but you mustn't respond as it will just feed it.

Unblock him on one channel only (I'd suggest one where you can see that it's been received, e.g. Whatsapp) and send a simple unemotional message saying
"Please do not contact me ever again. Our relationship is over. If you continue trying to harass me I will contact the police."
Screenshot it so you've got proof, and if he DOES try again then go to the police. No hesitation. Ultimately it may do him a favour - give him enough of a fright to seek help for his issues. But either way, it's not your problem.

It's also a good idea to let other people know, in case he tries to get to you through them. EG contacting your cousin on FB claiming to have something of yours and he's mislaid your address, could they please let him have it... You'd be surprised how plausible some stalkers can get. Also if you work at a location (i.e. not WFH) then let your manager know in case he tries to come to your place of work or phone you there.

You sound a very kind person - that doesn't mean you deserve to have your boundaries trampled all over by someone who is clearly not stable. He needs professional help.

I had something similar with an ex. Wouldn't necessarily recommend it, but I sent a copy of one of the more abusive messages from him to his mum and his sister. Funnily enough, it stopped after that.

National Stalking Helpline are really good, especially if you're not sure about involving the police or what to say.

Do not message him again.

Ok I’ve unblocked, sent the message saying please stop contacting me or I’ll have no choice but to report you and blocked him again. Cross your fingers, and thank you for the lovely advice! Made me feel better just to get it all out. I hate worrying my parents with this sort of stuff (they already thought he was very manipulative) so hoping it’s going to go away without having to get others dragged into it, but we will see.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Unblock him on one channel only (I'd suggest one where you can see that it's been received, e.g. Whatsapp) and send a simple unemotional message saying "Please do not contact me ever again. Our relationship is over. If you continue trying to harass me I will contact the police." Screenshot it so you've got proof, and if he DOES try again then go to the police. No hesitation. Ultimately it may do him a favour - give him enough of a fright to seek help for his issues. But either way, it's not your problem.

It's also a good idea to let other people know, in case he tries to get to you through them. EG contacting your cousin on FB claiming to have something of yours and he's mislaid your address, could they please let him have it... You'd be surprised how plausible some stalkers can get. Also if you work at a location (i.e. not WFH) then let your manager know in case he tries to come to your place of work or phone you there.

You sound a very kind person - that doesn't mean you deserve to have your boundaries trampled all over by someone who is clearly not stable. He needs professional help.

All of this.

I would make a non emergency report to the police about the time you said stop contacting me and he basically bombarded you in response. Just to start the process of logging your concerns. That way if he reacts badly this time it adds to the evidence that he doesn’t respect boundaries and needs to be dealt with now.

Keep a note of all the contact.
Screenshot the messages.

If he does contact again after today, go to the police. You have to let these sorts know you wont miss and hit the wall. Often it's only when you mention police or even go to the police, that they will back off. Do whatever it takes.

This is EXACTLY what my ex did when I broke up with him after I realised he was cheating and unhinged.

I too had to call the police to do a welfare check after he left me a voicemail telling me he was going to take an overdose.

I sent him a few messages asking not to contact me again, but he ignored me and persisted with love bombing attempts. I blocked his calls and texts, blocked him on Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp.. so he started messaging me through the FitBit app!!! Blocked him on that too. He created new Facebook and Instagram accounts and requested to follow me. I just continuously blocked every new account that popped up. I also blocked all his family/friends and tightened up my privacy settings.

He ended stalking me. Sitting in his car outside my flat for hours, constantly ringing me from new mobile numbers he'd bought, ringing my doorbell, calling up to my window. If he could gain access to the building, he would sit outside my front door for hours, knocking on the door, pushing letters underneath it.
I ended up having to report him to the police for stalking and harassment.

You've now messaged him and told him that you no longer want contact from him and you have warned him that you will contact the police if he doesn't desist. Now you need to maintain NO CONTACT.

PLEASE.. follow through with your warning if he does persist in making contact with you. If you don't, he will know he's getting away with it and will continue to harass you.

Good luck x